BlogPositive

Moments of bliss

"Oh how to describe those moments of bliss" quoted a character in a radio drama this evening.  You may wonder to what she referred.  Well in fact it was watching a film with a really good friend in a very comfortable seat with delicious refreshments.

When you seek enjoyment and gladness it doesn't have to be an earth shattering event. I've found joy in the last few days in seeing the Cumbrian mountains from the train, a hug from a good friend, an email from a client telling me of their success, some feedback on my newsletter and my own success in winning though to the presentation stage of a tender process from a field of 90.   I've also really enjoyed some crunchy tasty oatcakes, seeing my junior neighbours careering past on their bikes and a vase of daffodils in a cafe.

Moments of bliss have a great effect on the brain, releasing loads of feel good chemicals. They also give you your very own bliss archive.  Those memories are stored away and always available to you.  When you think about those past joyful events your brain also produces feel good chemicals.  So a moment of bliss is actually forever, filed for access whenever you want to re-create that feeling of joy, gladness and happiness.

What moments of bliss have you enjoyed this week?  What archive moments of bliss can you re-create today?

The best year yet?

See I don't really believe in being talked down by all those gainsayers out.  It may not be cool or popular to say it but I am going to.......

Are you ready?

I am having my best year yet!!

Yes its completely true.  Exisiting clients are throwing more work at me almost daily. I am getting new clients and I am getting calls from people who want to work with me in a variety of new and different ways. Hey you may think that I'm lucky, that I have some secret formula.  Well let me tell you the secret.

Are you ready?

Its bloody hard work.  All that client work does not fall out of the sky I can tell you. Its about applying yourself, doing the hard graft, not giving up when you get a no the first time round all mixed up with a very healthy amount of always putting the client first, doing a damn good job when you get out there to do your thing and believing that everything will go right, having a sales accumulator graph on the wall in front of me and expecting to be successful.  And yes there are some nights with just a few hours sleep.  Yes there are the days when the public transport system lets you down or the bank seems to be your worst enemy, but thats just real life and no-one ever died from real life.  Above all its  about having a passion and belief in what I'm doing.  For me thats what makes the difference between good and great.

So if I can buck the recession trend so can you.  If you want to have the best year yet for you and your life just decide to make it that way.  Think positve, take action towards those positive goals, give something back and expect the best.  But remember - the secret is taking action, not just thinking about it.  What action can you take today to make this your best year yet?

Vote for happiness!!

The Mind Gym award an academic prize for the best research on positive psychology.  You can look at short videos prepared by this years short list entrants and post your vote here.

My vote went to the Happiness research.  If there is one thing that almost everyone wants on my development programmes its to be happier. I'm delighted to see that the research backs up my gut feeling - that having more things doesn't make you  happy.  When I look around at the people I know the ones that have always seemed the happiest are the ones having more experiences, doing more things, interacting with more and different people, travelling, doing new things and trying out new ideas, expanding their experiences.

Its great cos it now shows that you can do things to make you happy.  As the guy says " The take-home message: to become happier, start doing something new. If you do it well, and also vary how, when, and where you do it, then you can gain lasting benefits."

What new things can you do this week that will make you happier.  How can you vary the new things you did last week to keep this new state of happiness?

Old and simple remedies

There was an item on the news tonight about some research into flu. They've found that you can significantly reduce your risk of infection by wearing a mask. Not just any old wad of cotton though, a proper sugical mask. Its really surprising that no-one has done this research before. It just indicates that there are still old fashioned and easy ways to solve problems still waiting to be discovered, even today in the 21st century. We should remember this when trying to solve our own problems. Instead of seeking a complicated and many layered solution, ask yourself "Whats the simplest and easiest answer to this problem?" I have a friend who is trying to get his dog looked after when he's on holiday. Taking it to the kennels seems obvious but its complicated by their strict opening hours, his lack of car and of course the cost. He has another friend who loves dogs, would pick it up, drop it off and lavish it with love and long walks. Problem solved easily. The other day I ended up at Birmingham instead of Bristol when my flight was re-routed. The complexity of getting from there to my final destination by public transport was baffling. Just hire a car, get in it and drive there. Simple. Sorted. Ok, not very kind to the planet but got me where I needed to be. So don't struggle with long winded answers, solutions that need a degree to understand them or resolutions written on more than half a page. Get simple and your problems at home and at work disappear more quickly.

Being superwoman

I was working with some senior women in the Midlands this week. It was the end of our programme and we were taking some feedback. One woman said that she had been a bit anxious about being invited to attend as she knew quite a lot of the names on the list. She thought that they were all superwomen who she may not be able to measure up to. Once she arrived and got to know everyone she realised that they were all normal people. They were good at their jobs and juggling busy lives, just like she was. She felt really relieved but then had a light bulb moment. If she was sitting in the room with all these supposed "superwomen" then maybe she was a superwoman too! She asked some of the other women and they said that they really admired everything that she achieved and the way that she had a great relationship with her staff and actually got huge amounts done. At the end of the day she went home feeling fantastic as she'd become a superwoman simply by being herself and associating with other successful people. Anyone can be a super-person. In fact you may be a superwoman or superman in someone else's eyes, yet not realise it. You won't know until you ask. And if you were a super-person what would you change? Now go and start work on that - you know you have the powers!

Send in the SWAT team

Some of you may remember the police drama on TV about their Special Weapons and Tactics team. Well, as individuals, we also have our own special weapons and tactics.

So some day when you've had a bad day just take a minute to think about yours. These are the things that make you special. These are the special skills that you bring to any situation. Maybe you make the best chilli this side of the Atlantic or can mix your partner's favourite cocktail. Perhaps you have the knack of always getting your friend's beat up old car started, or you can charm noisy dogs to stop barking or are always the one who knows about the latest new films.

What are the things that people rely on you for? These are the things you are also remembered for. They are probably a unique combination of assets that make you a great success as a parent, friend, colleague or at hobbies or pastimes. Write them down. Even when you've had a bad day those things are still true about you. What can you do to make more of them and to give yourself the appreciation you deserve?

You are unique and uniquely special. Never forget that.

Alan Sugar - again

Sorry I may have forgotten to mention....

The article that percipitated the press release that was in its turn brought about by another article. Anyway less of all that. Read "Why women are GOOD for business" in my People Bulletin article, published in last Thursday's edition.

Step up to the mark

One of the things that I encounter a lot on my women's development programmes, with women at all levels in organisations, is their inability to accept their part in delivering their own success. I hear so many times "Oh I was just lucky"  "Someone else must have let them down" " I must have been the only one who applied" "I've no idea why that worked" "Mine must have been the only report on their desk"

What these women are doing is failing to accept that they have played a part in their success.  We all make things happen by our actions.  We forget that we do good pieces of work that get us noticed.  We gloss over the fact that we are the best qualified person for  the job.  We ignore the fact that we submitted the best written proposal the boss had ever seen. None of these things happen by accident. They are all part of us making our successful way in the world.

If we don't acknowledge our part in our own success then we will continue to rely on other people to make us successful, missing the opportunity to build our own confidence and self belief and step up to the mark ourselves. I'm even guilty of it myself sometimes.  Yesterday I got a piece published in my local paper.  Here is a link to it in the News & Star.  This was because I sent press releases to about 30 publications on Thursday night last week. I actually took some action that resulted in the paper publishing the piece. However today I caught myself thinking - well maybe they were really short of news, maybe they felt they had to put something in for international women's day and I'm the token woman, maybe they just publish everything they get.

How on earth can I slide into those sort of thoughts.  They published it because it was good, because I make a strong and cogent argument, because it was newsworthy and because I am good at providing editors with well written publishable copy, I know how to write press releases that get published.  There that's me given myself a talking to.  How about you?  Which bits of your success are you still not accepting as your responsibility?  Isn't it about time you rewarded yourself for all that action that you've taken that has got you to where you are today?

Successful selling

As I run my own business I am selling things.  I sell my time, my knowledge, my expertise, my products.  That means I enagage in a sales process with my clients, moving them towards saying yes and buying what I have to sell.  I've been on a variety of courses and read self help books to aid my success in this area. 

One of the bits of information that I've picked up is that it can take up to 7 contacts to get to the yes, to actually make the sale.  That might mean a phone call, followed by a brochure, followed by a letter, followed by a meeting and so on.  Now what can happen is that people give up before they get to 7 and the sale is lost. Persistence is a great ally in the sales role.

However I think that we can learn a lot from this in life.  If you want something and you are in negotiation with yourself or someone else over it then here too, perhaps, it takes 7 contacts before you get to yes. Maybe it takes that much evidence to convince either yourself or the other person, that what you want is a good idea.  If you are negotiataing with your boss for a pay rise how many contcts have you had?  How many different bits of evidence have you provided to support your case?  How many different ways have you asked?  Have you got testimonials from other people to say how valuable you are?  Have you got a strategy for how you are going to get them to say yes?

Its all too easy to become disheartened and to give up.  But you do believe in your case and you have the determination to succeed.  You can get to 7 and you can get to yes.  What are you selling today? What's your strategy?  What evidence will you need?  Who will support your case?   

Quantity gives quality

I've been writing an article about my India trip tonight and needed some photos to go with it.  I hadn't actually downloaded them yet so I've been squirting nearly 600 shots from my camera into my PC. I'm surprised at how many pics there are.  But then when I look at them there are probably about 20 really good shots, with the right light, exposure, composition etc that I could print and frame and hang on the wall, and then about 20 mediocre ones and the rest are just tourist snaps that we just don't bother printing any more.

This really ilustrates the point from my creativity course last month that in order to be really creative and make good work you have to churn our vast quantities of work and be prepared to throw most of it away.  This can be a bit galling, but when the good stuff is really good then its well worth it.  I took about 50 shots of the sunset over Dal Lake, a famous beauty spot in Srinagar and there are two or three that I am really pleased with, so it was worth the effort to take the rest.

This maxim of quantity giving you quality applies to lots of things in life but we forget this and expect things to be perfect first time.  You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince (believe me I'm still looking) and you may have to try out lots of jobs before you find you ideal post, look at lots of houses before you find your perfect home, practice with lots of salsa partners before you find your perfect match.  So if there's something in your life that's not quite right remember that you probably just haven't tried enough times, not given enough permutations, or not had enough experiences.

So where have you given up too early?  Get out there and do more!

Keeping Going

I've just had some work confirmed today with a new client - being self employed its a great day when that happens, even better when you have been specially selected for the work. Although its only a small contract, I'm really pleased as I have been in touch with this particular client for over three years and I know that this development can make a real difference to the people involved.

There are times when I am shaking the bushes looking for treasures that I start to despair.  At those times I have to remind myself from my life experience I just need to keep going.  So I am working on at least four tenders at the moment.  So far none of my tender applications have been successful.  But if I liken this to my search for a job when I was changing careers then I can see again that its just a case of keeping going.  When I was moving from a research job into publishing I applied for about 45 jobs before I was successful.  And even then I didn't get a job that I applied for because I was offered a job out of the blue by an editor who had interviewed me two months earlier for a different role.

And this work today was no different.  I have sent in unsuccessful tenders before and this time they just emailed me and said "we think you are the woman for the job".  Looking back on our life experience as we grow older we can all see that there are times when we just need to keep going. If we were younger we would not have the vision to realise that, so as we are older we have more stickability.  Think about the times when you were successful after just keeping going.  What else did you learn from that?  What relationships did you build over that time?  Who else supported you to help you keep going?  How can you repay that and help others to keep going?

Alzheimer's Disease

Today I am adding a link on my website to Helena Segets work.  Helena is a former Springboard participant from Newcastle who now has a studio at 36 Lime St.  Helena's recent work has taken the destructive trauma of mental decline in Alzheimer's disease and turned it into a positive experience for her and her customers.  You can see examples of her work on her website.

It is very sad that her mother was so ill and I really applaud the way that she has transformed this episode into a creative stimulus for her work.  We all encounter difficult periods through our lives, whether they are relationship breakups, physical trauma, death or injury of loved ones or any other of the many assaults that can overtake us.  As we get older the sum total of these things will increase and we can become overwhelmed.  However we can all choose how we react to and perceive these things.

We know that when we were younger and our pet dog or cat died, it was extremely difficult for a while but we survived. Life went on and we were better able to cope with the next bad thing that happened.  So instead of wallowing in the bad feelings that these events precipitate choose to use them as a positive influence.  It must have been traumatic for Helena when her mother was ill and she has now used that as a positive influence.  I went through a bad relationship breakup and produced some great poetry as a result.  I had my leg in plaster for 8 weeks and it enabled me to travel first class when I threw myself on the mercy of the railways.  My bags were lost by BA this week but it meant that there was no washing to do when I get home.

As we get older we have a great store of experiences that help us to see things in a positive light.  What are you hung up on at the moment?  How can you perceive it as a positive influence in your life?

Positive Steps

The papers arrived this morning as I was drinking my bed-tea today and gazing out at the spectacular Shimla mountain view, looking West towards tomorrows destination of Kashmir.  I leafed through the Times of India to find a Speaking Tree article defining confidence.  What do you know - it's all reduced to a simple formula, so all your worries are over. 

Here goes:  Confidence = Feeling good + Taking Responsibility = Being Accountable + Developing Skills

There - simple!

So in typical left field style I am going to start at the end and come back to the rest.  How do you feel when you start to learn something new?  Well mostly rubbish cos you are not very good at it.  But as your skills improve don't you feel your confidence building as you master more and more of the skill, as you become expert at each little step, as what felt awkward and new now feels familiar and safe?  However what often happens is that we try learning new skills and give up too easily before we have even given ourselves enough time to know the basics.  it's time to realise that a little persistence pays off and the skills development success will really boost you confidence and give you a more positive outlook.

So what skills are you developing now?  What did you start and give up on?  What new skills do you want to develop?  Take those first positive steps today.

Choose the 2%

Today I'm really tired having been up to the not so early hours working on a tender that has to be posted today!  The fact that I have to be in London on Monday and then on a plane to India on Tuesday is not really helping my work life balance.

The result of the tender will be a big contract with a major bank and some of the resources that I will be using are from Alan and Barbara Pease. On their website there is a short video clip that details very simply how to be successful. Its really cheered me up this morning and reminded me that its all worthwhile. I love the clip as it boils down everything I do and say in my courses into just a few sentences. 

Think what you'd like to do and write it down, don't worry about the "how".  Have lots of things you want to do and drop things off the list if they become less attractive.  Keep going even if people around you try to put you off.  Focus on what you want, not what you don't want.  There you go, simple!

Here is the link to the video. Allan Pease on success.

Thursday philosophy

A discussion on the radio this morning was talking about Socarates and how his basic premise about how life should be lived was that "Life should be lived flourishingly". I thought that was fabulous. In his time it was connected with virtue and doing the right thing.  But I think that living life flourishingly is a great maxim for today.

My two volume OED has almost 4 column inches on "flourish". To blossom, to thrive, to attain full development, to be prosperous or successful, to be at the height of fame or excellence, to be in one's prime.  What an excellent way to live.

What are you doing today to live life flourishingly?  What questions do you need to ask to maintain your level of excellence?  Who can help you keep that prosperous stretch going?  Where will you bestow your gifts to help others thrive?  How are your decisions supporting you reaching your prime?

Live life to the full, live life flourishingly!

Shout about it

What do you do when something exciting is happening or you have achieved something?  Do you just sit there feeling all smug or do you shout about it?  Well I've got news for you - sharing good news really helps the world go round, it helps keep the people around you positive and also, critically, it helps to keep you positive.  The more you tell people about your exciting event or success the more you are reinforcing those positive pathways that brought you there.  Sharing good news will lift any conversation and energise your communication.

At the beginning of most of my workshops I ask people to report on their recent successes. These need not be great earth shattering events, just minor achievements or nuggets of good news. The more you focus on the positive the more your mind will help you do that.

So I am shouting about my trip to India next week because for me its very exciting. Heading off to Kashmir to deliver two Springboard workshops is exactly the sort of really important work that I want to be doing. You can read all about it in the News and Star (Carlisle's daily paper) and of course I'll be writing here about the trip when ever I can get on the web.

What do you have to shout about today?  What's exciting in your life?  Who are you going to tell about your latest successes?  Write a comment to this posting to share your success with all our readers.

Keep smiling

In Japan they have a problem with an aging population that is even more acute than ours.  It has more than four times as many centenarians.  One women who was 100 in April was interviewed for a report in yesterday's Independent.  She puts her longevity down to having a happy-go-lucky nature.  She is cheerful most of the time and even if she is worried about something she gets a good night's sleep.  That, coupled with the healthy Japanese diet that is antioxidant rich, contains little animal fat and lots of soya, vegetables and seafood has resulted in her outliving her son, who died of cancer 6 years ago.

So the message from Asia is clear - be happy, eat healthy, live longer and fitter.

So what are you going to do today to bring a smile to your face? What are you doing to make your diet healthier to support you as you get older?  What are you planning for your 80th, 90th, 100th birthdays?

Harness your passion

Today I was listening to a thought for the day on BBC Radio Cumbria where someone's passion has led them to new opportunities.  And I wondered how many of us really allow that passion that we have (whatever it is for) to drive us along. Often we will stifle it because its not appropriate, there isn't time, someone else thinks its silly etc etc

Well if you keep doing that then you will  never get into that state of excitement that sweeps all before it, that state where you believe that nothing could possibly go wrong, that state that allows you to conquer all and achieve anything that you set your mind to.  These things are driven by passion. If you allow your passion to show through then you will not need to motivate yoursef to get up every day, you will find your motivation rises easily from within.  And that positive feeling will transfer to other areas of your life as well, making everything much rosier.

So go on indulge your passion today!

Tangled hedge

I was out for a walk a couple of weeks ago and the reasonable footpath that I was on suddenly disappeared into a tangled hedge with no possible means of getting through.  It was frustrating as last time I had walked down there there had been a lot of work done to clear the path from brambles and shrubs that had badly overgrown it.  I found the walk very pleasant until I just had to stop.

We had been talking earlier in the day about how many of us are great at setting goals and forging ahead when we are younger but we didn't really have a vision of what we wanted any more.  We had seen our path taking us forward to success as a trainer or artist or super-mum or or whatever but after that the path just stopped.  We could see ourselves being successful but we weren't quite sure what would come next. It literally was as if our view was blocked by that tangled hedge.

This happens to lots of us as we take our journey through life - we are not really sure what comes after the success, that wasn't really included in the original plan.  At that point its time to sit down and make a new plan, possibly also asking again what things are important to you now.  I know that certainly those things have changed for me.

I managed to find a way around the hedge and carry on with my walk and as I looked back at it, it didn't seem quite as tangled from the other side. Once you decide to think constructively about your future its surprisingly how easily the threads can fall into place and looking back you'll wonder what seemed so difficult.

So what is beyond your tangled hedge?  Where is your success going to lead you?  What is important now that you should be working on?

Building buttons

Its not a normal day here at all.  My neigbours are moving to the beautiful town of Wooler and the removal men are here.  I have just been to my doctor and they've taken some blood to find out if I'm ill or just getting older! And I'm finally getting back into my online bank accounts after my laptop was stolen in May. And all of this on very little sleep cos I was up till 3am working on the blog.

The blogosphere and web are all about linking. I'm a kind and helpful person and I have had so much excellent feedback on the blog content from all of you, my loyal readers, that I'd like to let more people know about the blog so they can also live more positively.  So I have started listing in blog directories.  When I started this I thought it would be an easy job.  Then I found out that I had to build back links with buttons and clever html stuff.  I was a bit hesitant about this as its not something that I've done before and all the clever stuff on the web site is done by Sylvia, my indispensible right-hand woman.

So I first of all just attacked it using the techniques that I'd used for adding other stuff like the website links. This didn't work properly.  Then (at about midnight) I read all of the stuff in the Typepad knowledge base and after translating it into non-technospeak I thought I knew what to do.  My first couple of attempts at the coding didn't work but then I had a light bulb moment and it all fell into place.  It's a sort of work around as there is no easy way of doing this in Typepad.  But the result is all the button links that you can find by scrolling down on the right below the daily cartoon. As we are accepted into the directories I'll update these so you can go right to our entry and vote or rate this blog.

My sense of achievement is huge over this.  And I was really hesitant about doing it, it didn't work properly the first few times but I knew that it should be do-able.  So lessons for us all here in terms of actually just getting stuck in.  It also absolutley typical of me to charge in without reading the instructions so if you are like that don't give yourself a hard time - cos I actually had it about half right in the way that I first tried. And I knew that when I'd done it I'd feel really proud.  Stepping outside your comfort zone and trying something new can be intimidating but if you don't take that first step you will never reach your goal.

Looking forwards

It was my birthday yesterday and I always find that for me its a good time to review my progress by looking back at past achievements, both personal and work, and then looking forwards to the future.  I choose this time cos its always easy for me to remember my birthday last year and how I celebrated it.  So looking back this year I realised that I hadn't acquired any new music since last year - no new CDs or downloads - I think that's pretty bad as I love to be surrounded by music both in the car and at home. So action point for the coming year is to get find some new sounds that I like.

Too often though what I have found is that we spend too much time looking back and not enough time looking forward. We dissect all those apparent failures with such precision and go over again and again what might have been, what could have been.  Looking back is a great way to inform our future. We should look back and learn from it, then look forward and make a new plan NOT dwell in the past and beat ourselves up about it.

So what can you learn from your life over the past week, month or year?  What are you going to do differently as a result of that, in your work or personal life? 

Seabiscuit

Last night, tired and jetlagged, I cut the work and watched a dvd. It was called Seabiscuit - about a famous US racehorse.  Its a fabulous story about achievement and should probably come with a half tissue box warning!  You can read  more about him here http://www.seabiscuitonline.com/index1.htm

One of the great messages of the film was that this little horse just kept winning against the bigger guys cos he just didn't think of himself as small. In reality he was only a small pony and with the right techniques and encouragement he was winning races against much bigger thoroughbreds.

It made me think about how small we all often think we are.  The smallest cog in a great wheel, the lowliest person in your team, the one making the smallest contribution to anything. And if that is the way that we continue to think about ourselves then that is the way that we'll end up. I could think about myself as just a freelance trainer but I know that what I do amounts to much more than that. What I do makes a big difference to people's lives so I am not JUST a trainer.

Maybe you are saying to yourself "But I am ONLY...."  " I am JUST...." Listen to your own language. If you are talking yourself down why would you expect anyone else to give you space on this planet. Its time to stop talking small and start thinking bigger.  About your life, your career, your hopes and aspirations.  You can be like Seabiscuit and take on the big guys and win.

In great company

Today I have been with all of my Springboard, Spring Forward, Fresh Steps and Navigator chums at our annual get together in Rugby.  I came away from the day feeling as if I was glowing with a sort of "ready brek" glow both internally and externally.  This is because I had been in great company all day. In the company of people who are positive, care about what they do and about other people.  People like this who enjoy what they do and who are enthusiastic lift our mood. Its great to be with them as you feel better.

A while ago I noticed this and did a clear out of my friends. I chose not to spend time with those who sapped my energy and dampened my mood.  I didn't really do anything interventional, just didn't ring or email them. And they never really contacted me so its was clear where all the energy was coming from to keep the relationhsip going.  I now spend time with friends who are positive and supportive where we are both gaining from the relationship.

Who are you spending your time with?  How do you feel with those people?  Are you in great company or are your friends and family sapping your energy?  Its time to choose those positive relationships over the negative ones.  You won't miss the negative ones when they are gone but you sure will benefit from spending more time with positive people.

Thanks to Jane, the Lizzes, Sarah, Helen, Kay, Janet, Debbie, Moira, Cath, Jenny, Julia, Marie, Bernadette, Patricia, Chris, Jan, Hugh, Celia, Nicky, George, Kathy and everyone else for being my GangPositive!