BlogPositive

You need to get out more

As I've been taking more walks recently I've noticed that I'm much more engagaed with what is going on.  When you get out and about that is what happens.  You discover things, meet people, see things changing, notice the environment.  This means you can change your perspective, be refreshed, learn things and also share things too.  You will find you develop a wider interest in things.  And people who are interested are usually interesting.

How many of us sit in the same chair all day and never even walk as far as the photocopier?  How many of us don't even bother to walk around in other departments, other buildings.  When did you last venture outside during your lunch break?  How many different ways do you know to get to the canteen?  How many different people might you meet if you chose a table at random today?  What could you learn about your work from people who do very different jobs?

I used to work in a company of about 250 people.  On Fridays I didn't send any internal emails or make any internal phone calls.  I walked around the place and talked to people instead.  That meant I knew people as people rather than just a name on a email.  I had a very small team and our work only got done through influencing others.  As a reusult of my walks I could get almost anything done.  And a side benefit was that I got the biggest collection ever when I left!

The world is full of positivity but you may not find it sitting at your desk all day.  You need to get out there and discover the world beyond your office door.  Where can you go today?

Happy pets

.or rather pets make you happy Swimming with dolphins can reduce depression. So says an article in the British Medical Journal. So how does this work then? Well its all about your limbic system. Quick anatomy lesson here..your brain is made up of three areas that arose sequentially over time during evolution. The oldest part of the brain is the area that connects to the top of your spinal cord - the hind brain or reptilian brain. This bit of the brain is responsible for many of our automatic reactions such as the fight or flight response. The next oldest part or mid brain is the limbic system. This bit of the brain is made up of several structures and they mostly have roles in mediating our emotional responses. This is then connected to our fore brain, the neo-cortex where most of our logical processing happens. This is also the area responsible for much ideas generation. We know that if small babies do not get enough cuddles or contact with a carer or parent then the limbic part of the brain does not develop correctly. In later life they can have difficulties recognising or responding correctly to emotions. There is something about physical contact with people and other mammals such as pets and now seemingly also dolphins that stimulates the limbic system. We all know that we can feel better simply by getting a hug from a good friend and this response is mediated by the limbic system. We can get the same effect by stroking a dog or a cat. This is why there are charities that exist to take pets into hospitals and to interact with those who are physically or emotionally traumatised. There process is also called limbic resonance. We describe this in our rational way as emotional connection. In babies this means that they feel better when they make eye contact with their mothers and both partners in the interaction feel the same way. It is also used to describe moments when you may be experiencing an emotional event and you get a phone call from someone close to you who asks if you are OK. No-one can really explain how that apparent brain to brain connection can work when the two people are not physically close to each other. I find this sort of thing really interesting. So to keep happy, keep making those emotional connections with the people who are important to you. This is one thing that you can't get via the internet, the physical contact is important. And as the BMJ article says it can also help with depression. So have you had enough hugs today? Have you spent time with someone who cares about you? Have you looked into the eyes of a loved one and smiled? If you live alone where is that physical contact going to come from?

Seen it all before

Discerning. I think that's a great word.  I was chatting with some women to day and we were talking about how as we have grown older we've become much more discerning in our choice of men. No longer will we settle just for any old bloke who we fall over at the end of the night. They now have to be supportive, earning a great wage, well qualified, intelligent, funny - oh yes and drop dead gorgeous.  So anyone who fits the bill just form a line over there....

How has all this come about?  Well as we've grown older we have realized what does and doesn't work for us. We've tried on many different type of relationships for size and fit and found the best collection of qualities for us. We've seen and learned from all the mistakes that we and our friends made in our youth and we've decided that its not going to happen any more. We've discovered our worth and value what we have to offer in terms of relationship and partnership.

However we probably none of us could  have got here without a few bruises to our hearts and many times of wailing and gnashing of teeth as partners have let us down or things haven't quite been all hearts and flowers.  So all of that torrid experience has been worthwhile because its brought us to here. Now I'll just get back to start interviewing the men at the front of the queue if you don't mind.  Where did I leave my clipboard?

Getting far enough away

I had a complete day off yesterday.  Well I thought that it was a day off.  I've started reading through some family archives.  I've got around 200 letters between my uncle and family members written between 1944 and 1947, together with lots of other info like his posting notices.  He was in the Royal Naval Air Squadron.  I've been meaning to do this for ages, I started cataloguing it all a while ago and haven't got round to reading it until now.

Now from this distance I can see how fascinating this story is. I was completely absorbed in the unfolding dramas. There were lots of letters from girls, all asking if they were the only one he was writing to.  There was the story of my Granddad's fight to get a job after he couldn't get his job reserved.  There are letters that have had bits removed by the censors.  The story of my uncle's close shave on a sortie in Ceylon. There are also letters where people are referring to what is actually going on in the war.  "What did you think of the landings?"  "Did you hear Churchill's speech?"

This really brings to life an uncle that I never knew and I can now see that, in fact, he was a lot like me.  I have always wondered where my character comes from as I am quite different from the rest of my family, but now I can see why I have always felt such a strong connection with him.

This has all really happened only as a result of the distance from the events giving me a different perspective.  This is a result of time passing and as we grow older our perspective on many things changes.  Seeing things in a different light always gives us more opportunities and greater understanding.  I am now considering how I can bring this interesting story to life for other people to share.

What are you seeing differently now?  What new insights does that give you?  What opportunities does that present to you today?

Virtual Reality

This weekend I met up with all my climbing club buddies for our annual dinner in North Wales at Plas y Brenin.  We had a great time, ate lots of food and drank lots of wine and although not a lot of climbing was done, except at the Brenin indoor wall, there was a strong walking contingent on both days.

There were some people there who I hadn't seen since the dinner last year as my work has kept me so busy this year that I've missed most of our weekend meets. Other people I do keep in touch with regularly by phone and email yet the real experience of getting together with them is so much better than just talking on the phone.

Its very easy these days to believe that you are staying close to people with all the virtual reality ways that there are of staying in touch though email, messenger, text, phone, video calling on messenger etc etc.  However none of these are a substitute for the real thing.  Its a really positive experience being with those people so we should try to do it more, get together more often with those people who are important to you, who care about you and support you.  Don't let xmas go by without having seen your cheerleaders.  Start planning today.

50 years of Archers

Tonight Phil and Jill Archer were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and I was touched by Phil's sentiments that 50 years isn't nearly enough and "only forever will do".  Thats truly a mark of a strong and stable relationship of mutual support, love and understanding.

I am actually really jealous of that deep regard, shared history and level of comfort and committment, having a history littered with relationships falling apart after 5 or 6 years or less.  Its also a very positive thing about growing older together for many couples that you do grow closer, you understand each other more and become better acquainted with each others foibles, need and wants (even if they do still drive you mad soemtimes!).  You just can't get that level of togetherness that comes from spending time together when you have only known someone for a few years so growing older and growing together do go hand in hand for many couples.

So I think its right that we should celebrate our time together and mark it with anniversaries, whether or not you are married.  And why not extend that to your other long term friends, celebrate the times that you have spent together and tell them what you appreciate about them - its never too late to do that.

Children are our future

Yesterday we visited Pahalgam, a beautiful village, the site of a former hill station, nestling amongst the Himalayan foothills at 7,200ft.  It was about a 3 hour bumpy ride from Srinagar on a wonderfully clear autumn day.  On the way there we passed many families in their valley fields threshing their wheat crop in the traditional way by bashing it across a large boulder and collecting the grain on a tarpaulin, upon which it will be spread out to dry in the sun.  This is an ages old practice and whole families were involved, from the very young to the very old.  It’s the last harvest to come in, the rice and saffron having already been collected. 

Here in Kashmir the majority of the population have no pension to look forward to when they reach a retirement age, if they even live that long, with the continuing military and political trouble, accompanied by poor health and sanitation.  So they are still out working in the fields whatever their age.  Their security for their old age is their children and grandchildren.  The family culture is very strong on the Indian subcontinent and literally as in Sting’s song “children are our future, teach them well”.  Your expectation is that if you become unable to look after yourself your children will welcome you into their home and care for you.  There are no old people’s homes up in the wild hills.

Just for a moment now imagine that you have no pension, no inkling of what a retirement plan is, no opportunity to ever stop “working” – whatever that means to you, no vision of life being different after a certain randomly picked age.  Imagine that life just goes on until the end, pretty much the same every day, changing gradually with the seasons.  How does that feel?  How does it make you think about your future differently?  What other options does it help you to think about?  What would you do differently if this was how your life was?  What will you do differently tomorrow as a result of this reflection?

Random acts of poetry

I was on the train yesterday and I was inspired by some people I saw to write a poem.  There have been a lot of poems flowing onto the pages of my workbook ever since I came back from my creativity course, watch out Andrew Motion!  Anyway I wrote and re-crafted this poem in about an hour - about these people who were obviously off on a trip with big suitcases.  I scribbled away in my little notebook and then, as I was getting off before them, I handed it to them as I left the train.

That was a random act of poetry. I don't know what sparked off the ideas in the poem - they just came out of my pencil somehow.

I am not suggesting that you should write poems and and give them to strangers - probably I am the only person mad enough to do that.  However there are plenty of random acts that you can do that would have a positive effect on other people's lives - generally they would be random acts of kindness.

Some things that might be included would be paying it forward - paying the toll for someone in the car in behind you, giving a beggar your chocolate bar instead of your cash, carrying someone's shopping for them when they look like they need it, helping a parent carry their pushchair down some stairs, leaving your once read paper on the train for someone else to read, passing on a part-used car park ticket. And if you don't feel comfortable with this then you can operate closer to home - I once got up in the morning to find my brother had spent hours in the early morning cleaning all the shoes in the house. A few months ago a man had his car stuck in a flood just down the hill and I took him a flask of coffee and some biscuits whilst he waited for recovery.  And sometimes these things can be even better if you, the giver, remain anonymous. As I used to get in very early in my last job I would always fill the photocopier with paper so it was set for at least the first few users.  I never told anyone about this and I would often smile when I heard people wondering who the paper fairy was who seemed to fill the photocopier overnight!

On your journey through life look for random acts of kindness for others. They serve two purposes.  They make you feel good and they are also a positive experience for the receiver.

Schoolfriends

I'm just planning a get together with a friend from school. We have know each other since we were 11 when I moved to Oswestry.  She used to call for me on the way to school and I was never ready!  We have stayed friends ever since and share a love of getting out to go walking or climbing.  In fact she is responsible in a way for me getting in to climbing in the first place since I was introduced to it by someone I met at her wedding.

I love to spend time with people that I have known well for a long time. It feels comfortable, there is no need to explain things as you have so much shared history.  And I just take for granted that it will remain that way, no reason for it not to.

That is one of the great things about getting older - you have all of these fabulous people around you - even if they are on the other side of the ocean - I have friends in Australia and Canada who I have known for ever.  They support you and you support them unquestioningly. It doesn't matter if you haven't seen them for ages - it feels like you could have been with them yesterday.  I have about 8 or 10 friends who I would drop everything for if they were in trouble, and I know that they would do that for me.  I always feel good about spending time with them.

Growing older with our friends is something to be celebrated.  Who are you wondering about now?  Who would you like to get together with soon?  Why don't you call them today?   Drop them that email you've been meaning to write or sit down with a pen and paper and actually write a letter.