BlogPositive

The breadwinners

There was a programme about agony aunts on the radio a week or so ago.  One of the excerpts was referring to the situation in families over breakfast.  The fact that it can all be such a hubub that the breadwinner can get in such a state, trying to get ready, get out of the door, that they are then in no fit state to even enjoy the bread that they are going out to win.

That was broadcast in the 1960s but nothing much has changed today.  How many of us are working at such a pitch that we spend our free time recovering with no energy to enjoy that time or do the things that we enjoy.  If that is the case for you then when are you going to be able to enjoy the bread that you have won?  What are you going to do to get some time when work is completely out of your mind, when you are not still thinkng about it and planning on your days off, when you recover your life.

I'm as guilty as anyone.  I have been so busy that I barely have time to think.  Someone this week did actually ask me why I bothered having a house.  Good point!

Being out there winning the bread is a laudable pursuit.  Be ready to enjoy the fruits of your labours rather than working yourself to a stop.  Recognise when enough is enough and shut the door on work and open the one that leads to real life, enjoyment, recharging and refreshing.

Keep smilin thru

The last two day have been a time of trial by weather for many.  I've chosen to stay smiling and believe that the best would happen.

Yesterday I had a flight to Stansted from Newcastle.  This was a good thing cos it was the only airport open.  Bristol, Luton, East Midlands and Birmingham all were shut with snow.  At the end of the day I then went by train to Swindon.  I arrived hopefully at an eerily empty Paddington at 5.30pm and was safely delivered to my destination on time amidst gloomy predictions of travel chaos.

Then today I had to get to Bristol from Swindon for a flight, with heavy snow making travel difficult.  Fate deliverd me a coaching client with a 4x4 (thanks Michelle) who drove me to Bristol Parkway station where we holed up to regroup.  We laughed a lot and believed that we'd get it sorted out.  I took a train.  My gut feeling that the airport would remain closed and my flight cancelled turned out to be right and I actually got home earlier than if I had been on the plane.  Despite both Severn crossings being closed Michelle also got to Wales eventually.

Are you facing the world with equanimity, believing the best will happen?  What's your disaster recovery plan if everything fails?  What would be a more helpful emotion than worry and anxiety?

Making Dreams Come True

Today one of my long desired dreams came true. I clipped into my skis outside my back door and skied off down into the village to the Post Office. Skiing from the back door is something I've wanted to do for a long time. We have a lot less snow in Cumbria than we used to so I've had to wait 6 years for the opportunity. Although there have been times when we've had sufficient snow before, I've always been away from home. Everyone in the village now think that I'm mad but I really enjoyed the experience. And it was a superb work-out too; I got home glowing and very very warm from the exercise. Later I was talking with a friend and she said how lucky I was to be able to do that. Well surprisingly I don't really believe in luck. Either you've sent an intention out to the universe that has delivered what you wanted or it's a combination of preparation meeting opportunity. I've been preparing for years; getting the right kit, learning the techniques, building confidence, watching and learning about the weather and the snow. And the opportunity was created because of the way that I've been managing my work. I'm having more concentrated periods of work and therefore longer periods at home. So to create your own luck you need to be preparing so that when that opportunity arises you are ready to jump right in. What's your heart's desire? What are you doing now to be ready when that opportunity presents itself?

Have you lost your spring?

I hadn't been anywhere for two days on Monday when I got the car out. I turned the wheel and under the bonnet it went TWANG! That, dear readers, is the sound of a broken spring. I know that because my old car had the same problem. The garage have ordered the part and it'll be here in a day or so. What I want to know is - how come a spring can break when the car is sitting there for two days not moving? One of life's great imponderables. However as well as my car losing its spring it seems that I've lost some of my spring too. A friend visited last week and told me that I wasn't my normal bouncy self. I hadn't noticed this, but on reflection he was right. As a result of the combination of all the travelling, doing things at the last minute, getting to financial year end, coping with the VAT change I had just run out of steam. What is interesting is that until I was interacting with someone else I hadn't noticed it. So since last week I've been taking better care of myself. We've sorted out the finance stuff and I now have about 3 weeks without any work travel so everything has calmed down a bit. I'm also feeling good as things are looking bright for next year. I'm talking to half a dozen potential new clients who are very warm prospects. I already have trips planned to Australia, Spain and France and others might follow. How do you know how much spring you have? What will you do if you also run out of spring?

Happy pets

.or rather pets make you happy Swimming with dolphins can reduce depression. So says an article in the British Medical Journal. So how does this work then? Well its all about your limbic system. Quick anatomy lesson here..your brain is made up of three areas that arose sequentially over time during evolution. The oldest part of the brain is the area that connects to the top of your spinal cord - the hind brain or reptilian brain. This bit of the brain is responsible for many of our automatic reactions such as the fight or flight response. The next oldest part or mid brain is the limbic system. This bit of the brain is made up of several structures and they mostly have roles in mediating our emotional responses. This is then connected to our fore brain, the neo-cortex where most of our logical processing happens. This is also the area responsible for much ideas generation. We know that if small babies do not get enough cuddles or contact with a carer or parent then the limbic part of the brain does not develop correctly. In later life they can have difficulties recognising or responding correctly to emotions. There is something about physical contact with people and other mammals such as pets and now seemingly also dolphins that stimulates the limbic system. We all know that we can feel better simply by getting a hug from a good friend and this response is mediated by the limbic system. We can get the same effect by stroking a dog or a cat. This is why there are charities that exist to take pets into hospitals and to interact with those who are physically or emotionally traumatised. There process is also called limbic resonance. We describe this in our rational way as emotional connection. In babies this means that they feel better when they make eye contact with their mothers and both partners in the interaction feel the same way. It is also used to describe moments when you may be experiencing an emotional event and you get a phone call from someone close to you who asks if you are OK. No-one can really explain how that apparent brain to brain connection can work when the two people are not physically close to each other. I find this sort of thing really interesting. So to keep happy, keep making those emotional connections with the people who are important to you. This is one thing that you can't get via the internet, the physical contact is important. And as the BMJ article says it can also help with depression. So have you had enough hugs today? Have you spent time with someone who cares about you? Have you looked into the eyes of a loved one and smiled? If you live alone where is that physical contact going to come from?

Life Partner - Owner's Manual

I was running a Springboard programme earlier this week and I was struck by something our speaker said.  She said "You are the only person that you are going to live with for the rest of your life so how are you going to look after that life partner?"

She's right of course.  Husbands/wives/lovers may come and go, children grow up and move on, house-mates, flat-shares, even good friends are never permanent.  The one person you will always be with is you.  But no-one really gives you an owners manual for this life partner.  Well here's a start and I'm sure that you can easily add more chapters.

• Choose to live happily with yourself
• Treat yourself as you would a cherished friend
• Help yourself towards greater achievements
• Reward yourself when things go well
• Treat yourself when things could go better
• Give yourself a good shake when you need one
• Learn and remember things about yourself
• Identify and then gladly give yourself what you need
• Do things to enagage all of your senses
• Look after your brain as well as your body
• Value everything you have to offer
• Make the most of all of your special talents
• Look after yourself well with healthy food, rest, exercise and relaxation
• Enjoy feeling good for no reason at all

And start on this list today.  I will go for a run this afternoon, I've just had a healthy breakfast with lovely creamy yoghurt.  I'm drinking some delicately scented jasmine tea.  I'm listening to relaxing birdsong from a digital radio station and I have a fabulous view of shifting fluffy clouds and sunlight on the hill.  What will you do to nurture your life partner today?

Urban Retreat

Well what do you know, after all the vagaries of transportation in India I arrive home early, we landed perfectly in fog at Heathrow early this morning, only to find the connecting flight to Newcastle cancelled. I am exhausted after a busy time away and an overnight flight and I am now faced with a 4 hour wait and very little sympathy from BA.

Being prepared for the temperature change I have clothes appropriate to 6 degrees rather than 26 degrees in my hand luggage so I take some advice and wander down to international departures. Here I find a haven of peace and comfort, Urban Retreat. At a stroke I have changed a tedious wait into a positive experience. I have a shower with luxury products, change into fresh clothes, get a healthy breakfast and ensconced in a comfy supportive massage chair, set to work on my emails.

So this was achieved by knowing what I wanted (a shower and some peace and quiet), taking advice (nothing in domestic departures go to international) and finally noticing and taking a chance on something new – a bill board on the way into the departure area advertised the place although I still had to ask directions to find it. However before all of that I recognised that here was an opportunity to make good use of time and look after myself – after all I’m worth it! I can’t speak highly enough of Urban Retreat, well worth a visit.

You will have a more positive experience of life if you value yourself and look after yourself properly, after all you are the best person to know how to do that. Planning helps, having clean clothes was really nice, also look for opportunities in possible disasters. When there are things going wrong around you what opportunities do you see ? What have you done in the last week to look after yourself? How much value do you place on your own time?

Eat strawberries every day!

I do, well pretty much every day.  Today I had strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, plums, grapes and pear for breakfast.  Its sometimes a bit of a challenge in January but you can usually find strawberries in the shops year round. I do it because I really like them, they are really healthy to eat and I do not believe that this sort of luxury should be kept only for Wimbledon week.  So many times you might find yourself yearning for that little luxury item or activity only to dismiss it as only being for Sundays, not allowed to have it if you haven't been working hard, can't do it today cos the money was allocated to buy toilet roll.

I say stuff all of that. Allow yourself some degree of luxury regularly and you will find yourself feeling great. It will really boost your self esteem. It doesn't matter if its buying expensive soap every now and again, picking the supermarket "finest" label this week instead of the "everyday", swapping your newspaper for a magazine or eating strawberries every day.  It may cost you nothing if your luxury is a walk in the fresh air admiring a view.  Whatever it is give yourself permission to regularly pamper yourself just that little bit and you'll feel fantastic.

After all if your best friend came for breakfast you'd want to give them strawberries, so why treat yourself less well than you do your friends. Make every day special and there is so much more to live for.