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Misplaced loyalties

I was chatting with a friend yesterday about how many friends we have amassed as we have got older. Some of these will be new acquaintances and others loyal buddies from our childhood, teens or twenties. Stil others will be hangers on or detritus from our previous lives. As I have a small family my friends are very important to me. I like to spend time with them and its important to me that they all count for something, that there is something special on which our relationship is based, something special we share or we derive something good from each other.

Unfortunately what can happen as we pass through life is that we collect friends and then hang on to them when they are past their sell-by date. We suddenly realise that we have nothing in common any more and that glue of shared past experience is not sufficient to hold us together. Yet we continue to see them, spend time with them through a misdirected sense of loyalty. Just because someone has known you since you were 12 or you faced a bad boss together doesn't mean that you still have a basis for a relationship today.

We tend to hang on to those we have known the longest just because of that fact. If we are to get the most from our relationships and spend enough time with those who matter the most then we need to spend some time weeding in the friendship garden. Its a brave decision to stop contacting someone who has been in your life for ages and by doing this you make space for new relationships that can be exciting, supportive or anything else you want them to be.

If you have friendships that are draining your energies get our your hoe today to make room for the delicate fresh growth of new buddies, mates, cronies and acquaintances to blossom to fulfilling mutual friendships.

Friday night

This weekend I seem to have given myself an impossible list of things to do. I have lots of writing to do (in addition to the blogs) and everything seems to have come together at the same time. I have evaluation reports, tenders, courses, articles, the newsletter and broadcast pieces to write.  And also I want to get a new crop of poems ready for submission for a competition by next week.

This has all meant that its a working weekend, starting on Friday night.  When I am working at the weekend, especially on Friday and Saturday night, I sometimes feel like I have no life and I should be out on the tiles like everyone else. However when I ask around I find that lots of people are not out on the weekend nights cos its too busy, too expensive, no transport, too cold, wet, can't be bothered!  So I do know that I'm not the only one sitting at home beavering away.

This has only come to us as we have got older, we've lost the fear that if we are not down the pub on Friday night we'll miss something important.  I used to worry that if I didn't get out I might end up really boring with nothing to talk about, but that has not turned out to be true, I'm never stuck for conversation.  Its actually quite a relief to know that there is no restless imperative to get out on the town, getting dressed up, coming home late, tired, penniless or drunk (or all 4)!

What do you not miss that you used to do?  What are you relived that you can let go now that you're older (and wiser)? Lets celebrate being more our own person and less following the crowd!