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Sharing your stuff

I've just sent a present to a friend.  Well I suppose you would describe it as a present. I eat lots of olives and buy them in big jars.  Because of this I have lots of big glass jars in the house.  I had a friend who needed a big glass jar so I sent her one.  Now to her that is a special jar and she has a special use for it.  However to me it was just one of several spares.

Its a real illustration of how something that you have plenty of and isn't really remarkable to you, can be special for someone else when you share it with them.  This applies to real concrete stuff, like glass jars, but also to all those invisible resources as well.  So if you are filled with joy and have plenty of it then its great to share that with someone for whom it would be special. I have bags of confidence, I always have had, its nothing special to me and I share that with lots of women to help them have more of their own confidence.

And the interesting thing about this sort of sharing is that often you will find that sharing stuff means it comes back to you in the end.  So, what do you have lots of that you maybe don't feel is particularly special to you, but could make a real difference to someone else.  Who can you share that with today?

Why are you queuing?

I had another challenging transport day yesterday.  I was at Birmingham International station with no trains at all going North due to a fatality at the next station.  There were about 200 people queuing for buses and another 50 or so in the queue for taxis.  It was just gone midday and I had been up since 3.30am. I was certainly not in the mood for queuing and I just wanted to get home.

So a thought came to me.  That station is right next to the airport and is connected by a monorail taking just 1minute.  I hopped across to the airport and jumped straight into a taxi to New St station. No queues, no crowds, no waiting.

All it needed was the creative thinking to make the connection.  But how many of us feel that we are waiting in line in our lives and work for something to happen, feeling that you have to let the others go first, that you have to hang on until the appointed time, until you came to the top of the pile or the front of the queue.  Yet maybe, just a minute away, there is a place where you don't have to queue, where people want to help you, where there are resources and facilities aplenty, where there is opportunity. It could be right in the next office or just around the corner and you haven't seen it cos you've been blinkered, focusing on keeping your place in the queue right in front of you, just like everyone else.

I say, life is too short for queuing.  Think creatively about where there are no queues and how could you get there.  What will you do to queue-jump today?  How will it feel when your queueing days are behind you and you have all that stuff that you have been waiting for?

The best year yet?

See I don't really believe in being talked down by all those gainsayers out.  It may not be cool or popular to say it but I am going to.......

Are you ready?

I am having my best year yet!!

Yes its completely true.  Exisiting clients are throwing more work at me almost daily. I am getting new clients and I am getting calls from people who want to work with me in a variety of new and different ways. Hey you may think that I'm lucky, that I have some secret formula.  Well let me tell you the secret.

Are you ready?

Its bloody hard work.  All that client work does not fall out of the sky I can tell you. Its about applying yourself, doing the hard graft, not giving up when you get a no the first time round all mixed up with a very healthy amount of always putting the client first, doing a damn good job when you get out there to do your thing and believing that everything will go right, having a sales accumulator graph on the wall in front of me and expecting to be successful.  And yes there are some nights with just a few hours sleep.  Yes there are the days when the public transport system lets you down or the bank seems to be your worst enemy, but thats just real life and no-one ever died from real life.  Above all its  about having a passion and belief in what I'm doing.  For me thats what makes the difference between good and great.

So if I can buck the recession trend so can you.  If you want to have the best year yet for you and your life just decide to make it that way.  Think positve, take action towards those positive goals, give something back and expect the best.  But remember - the secret is taking action, not just thinking about it.  What action can you take today to make this your best year yet?

Snow bound

Did you give up trying to get to work today? As I work at home I didn't have that problem, but I did have to get into town for an appointment. There is about 6 inches of snow outside and I cleared the car with a brush. I knew that the journey would split into 3 bits in terms of difficulty. Firstly getting out along our drive and onto the road. Driving on fresh snow that only a few vehicles have passed over. Interesting and a bit like a slow waltz. The second bit down into the village was about the hairiest bit - a steep hill down and still lots of snow on the road. Then several miles on slippy back roads and after that plain sailing as I was onto the main A road. However none of it was really difficult or dangerous. Yes I slithered around a bit, but the road wasn't busy so it wasn't an issue. Yes I had difficulty getting the last 10 yards back to the house. But that was right here and the neighbours could have pushed if needs be. In fact that is just what we've been doing when one of my neighbours slewed into the bank just now. So I'm very glad that I went out and didn't just give up even before I'd started. Having that attitude of just having a go, see what happens, I'm sure I'll cope really helps. It's all too easy to just sit on the sidelines and believe that you can't achieve things. That attitude in life will not even take you outside your front door, let alone onto the promotion, fantastic new job, brilliant new life that you have always wanted. So if it's in the snow or in your life, just give it a go.

Your top team

Who are your top team? They are your board of directors, your trusted advisors, your unofficial mentors and coaches. Most companies however small have a team that helps them set strategy, deal with major issues and plan their growth. As an individual you can do exactly the same thing and have a top team who you talk to when you need advice.

I'm considering making major changes to my business life and about a month ago I was mulling over the opportunity. I felt uncomfortable and sort of edgy about it and knew I needed to get the advice of my top team. Because my business is me, any major changes are as much about me as they are about the business. I have a top team who I consult about major things in my life. In the space of one evening I spoke to 7 very different people, all friends who know me well. They had very different perceptions of what this might mean for me. They each highlighted different things that I should be thinking about and had a different reaction to the idea. Some were very cautious, some thought it was a risky move, some thought it might compromise my freedom to do the other things that I enjoy doing and some saw it as a fantastic opportunity.

However none of them said they didn't want to talk about it and they all said that I should keep in touch about what was happening. After these calls I felt much more settled. Although I hadn't made a final decision about what to do I felt I was better prepared to ask the right questions that would help me to gather the data that I needed. I've spoken to them all again this week as the matter progresses. It's a difficult one to make a decision about and although no-one else can make the decision for me, knowing that the top team care about my happiness and my future really helps.

Who are your top team? When did you last ask then for advice? How can you include them more in your decision making? What can you do to help them in return?

When would you give up?

I had an interesting day in Thursday. I flew to Bristol to get to a meeting in Devon. After two aborted landings in fog, we got re-routed and I ended up in Birmingham. We sat on the tarmac for ages before the captain made a decision to fly us back to Bristol. I worked out that by the time we had got clearance and actually got back it would too late for me to make it by bus and train to my meeting. I therefore asked to get off the plane. The EasyJet staff were quite shocked by this. Clearly its an irregular request and they didn't really have a procedure. However once I had said I wanted to get off so did 5 other people.

So I got off and hired a car to drive to Devon. Then the M5 was closed. Although I avoided this, thanks to information from my world class PA, the A roads around the diversion were still very congested. I did finally reach my destination about 2 hours late and was able to have my meeting.

However a lot of other people would have given up. How much determination do you have to keep going when the going gets tough? What would it actually take to make you give up? Do you give up too easily? Do you keep going when its hopeless?

Sometimes you have to make apparently foolish decisions in the face of difficult circumstances. But at least you have done something to keep moving forwards. The most frustrating time for me on Thursday was sitting on the tarmac. If you are not moving do something, anything to change the situation..

Being superwoman

I was working with some senior women in the Midlands this week. It was the end of our programme and we were taking some feedback. One woman said that she had been a bit anxious about being invited to attend as she knew quite a lot of the names on the list. She thought that they were all superwomen who she may not be able to measure up to. Once she arrived and got to know everyone she realised that they were all normal people. They were good at their jobs and juggling busy lives, just like she was. She felt really relieved but then had a light bulb moment. If she was sitting in the room with all these supposed "superwomen" then maybe she was a superwoman too! She asked some of the other women and they said that they really admired everything that she achieved and the way that she had a great relationship with her staff and actually got huge amounts done. At the end of the day she went home feeling fantastic as she'd become a superwoman simply by being herself and associating with other successful people. Anyone can be a super-person. In fact you may be a superwoman or superman in someone else's eyes, yet not realise it. You won't know until you ask. And if you were a super-person what would you change? Now go and start work on that - you know you have the powers!

Just pretend

This week I had a brilliant speaker on one of my women's programmes.  She tells a great story of grappling her way onto the career ladder as a single Mum with two young girls, borrowing a typewriter before an interview to assess her typing speed, working all night towards her qualifications then taking her girls to school in the morning.  Despite all of this and her achievements so far she still says she isn't a confident person, which surprises most people.

She gets away with it though cos she pretends to be confident.  As she says once you've got some make up and lippy on then you've created a different confident person who could take on the world. Her trick is to pretend to be confident.  It works cos other people can't tell the difference between you pretending to be confident and the real thing.  Confidence is not the only area of your life where you can use this handy trick to achieve your goals.  By pretending in other areas to can try on that feeling, check it out, learn how to do it.

How about pretending to be happy, successful, unconcerned, full of energy, positive or relaxed?  As you pretend more of the states in life that elude you, you'll come to realise that its not so difficult and you'll start to find it easier to actually BE these things instead of just pretending.

What could you do with pretending today?  How does that feel? 

Having a break

Great to get away skiing.  I cancelled my holiday in April cos of work in the Middle East so I haven't been on skis for nearly a year.  I was concerned that I may have forgotten how to do it, this happens to me every year. But I was OK and my skiing has improved.  We even had some pretty good snow in the 3 Valleys over xmas and then at La Plagne/Les Arcs over New Year.  The conditions were good enough to ski off-piste every day so we had a pretty tough holiday - came home to recover.

But I did wonder about lots of other things that I used to do and have had a break from.  I generally find that you can pick things up again pretty quicky, really like riding a bike.  But I do know that I've often worried about not being able to do things after not doing them for ages and this has stopped me having a go.  I know that we get lots of women on our courses who worry about not being able to take up studying again after their kids have left home or worry about not being capable of doing their old job after going back after maternity leave.

We all need to remember that if we've done it once we can do it again, however long it is since the last time.  I know that my skiing gets better every year even though I worry about not being able to do it.  So just have a go at whatever you're worrying about that you used to do, it'll be fine!

Alone in Delhi

Today we flew in to Delhi from Srinagar and this evening I am on my way to Jaipur. I had a few hours in the capital, released from the care of my hosts, who are travelling themselves to Jodhpur. We arranged a taxi for the afternoon and I planned what I wanted to do and then started by going to the internet café to catch up with my email, as I’d had no access to phone or email over the weekend in Kashmir.

As I wandered back a few streets to my taxi I noticed how odd I felt, being out in the city by myself. I hadn’t really noticed, but ever since I arrived here I have been accompanied everywhere, been very well looked after and not really had to make any decisions by myself, except perhaps to choose between veg or non-veg at mealtimes. I suddenly realised how quickly you could lose your self confidence under these conditions. You’d be living in a sort of cocoon, protected from risks and dangers, defiantly but not exposed to opportunities to think for yourself and maybe just see what happens if there is no plan.

This was a great learning experience for me as many of the women that I work with come to programmes with low self esteem and I can now see how one of the contributing factors can be not experiencing life for themselves, doing it through someone else – friends, relatives, partners, children, not being out there and making their own decisions. So where in your life are you a passenger?  Where are you allowing someone else to make your decisions for you?  Are you experiencing aspects of your life through someone else?  Take a positive step and stand up for what you want to do today, get out there and experience life yourself, it's great!

Positive Steps

The papers arrived this morning as I was drinking my bed-tea today and gazing out at the spectacular Shimla mountain view, looking West towards tomorrows destination of Kashmir.  I leafed through the Times of India to find a Speaking Tree article defining confidence.  What do you know - it's all reduced to a simple formula, so all your worries are over. 

Here goes:  Confidence = Feeling good + Taking Responsibility = Being Accountable + Developing Skills

There - simple!

So in typical left field style I am going to start at the end and come back to the rest.  How do you feel when you start to learn something new?  Well mostly rubbish cos you are not very good at it.  But as your skills improve don't you feel your confidence building as you master more and more of the skill, as you become expert at each little step, as what felt awkward and new now feels familiar and safe?  However what often happens is that we try learning new skills and give up too easily before we have even given ourselves enough time to know the basics.  it's time to realise that a little persistence pays off and the skills development success will really boost you confidence and give you a more positive outlook.

So what skills are you developing now?  What did you start and give up on?  What new skills do you want to develop?  Take those first positive steps today.

Thursday philosophy

A discussion on the radio this morning was talking about Socarates and how his basic premise about how life should be lived was that "Life should be lived flourishingly". I thought that was fabulous. In his time it was connected with virtue and doing the right thing.  But I think that living life flourishingly is a great maxim for today.

My two volume OED has almost 4 column inches on "flourish". To blossom, to thrive, to attain full development, to be prosperous or successful, to be at the height of fame or excellence, to be in one's prime.  What an excellent way to live.

What are you doing today to live life flourishingly?  What questions do you need to ask to maintain your level of excellence?  Who can help you keep that prosperous stretch going?  Where will you bestow your gifts to help others thrive?  How are your decisions supporting you reaching your prime?

Live life to the full, live life flourishingly!

Shout about it

What do you do when something exciting is happening or you have achieved something?  Do you just sit there feeling all smug or do you shout about it?  Well I've got news for you - sharing good news really helps the world go round, it helps keep the people around you positive and also, critically, it helps to keep you positive.  The more you tell people about your exciting event or success the more you are reinforcing those positive pathways that brought you there.  Sharing good news will lift any conversation and energise your communication.

At the beginning of most of my workshops I ask people to report on their recent successes. These need not be great earth shattering events, just minor achievements or nuggets of good news. The more you focus on the positive the more your mind will help you do that.

So I am shouting about my trip to India next week because for me its very exciting. Heading off to Kashmir to deliver two Springboard workshops is exactly the sort of really important work that I want to be doing. You can read all about it in the News and Star (Carlisle's daily paper) and of course I'll be writing here about the trip when ever I can get on the web.

What do you have to shout about today?  What's exciting in your life?  Who are you going to tell about your latest successes?  Write a comment to this posting to share your success with all our readers.

Lost words - again

The other day I was talking to a man who runs a small business.  All of his staff are female, about 8 or 9 or them.  He is a great supporter of women's development but mystified about the apparent lack of confidence of his staff.  He tells them repeatedly that they are doing a great job and from my dealings with them I know that they all do a highly professional job and I have a lot of respect for their skills and experience.

Yet he says that the first thing they do in the morning is apologise - they say "Sorry" as if they are apologising for their own existence.  When I pondered on this I realised that I hear this happening a lot. Women will often say sorry as a way of opening a sentence, before we even know what the other person's reaction is going to be.  If we went around and counted how many times at work we hear our male colleagues saying sorry and compare that with how many times we hear our female colleagues saying sorry I think that we'd find that we win hands down.

Also because it is such a habitual speech pattern we do not even hear ourselves saying it - let alone recognise how it diminishes us.  Can you remember the last time you said sorry and really meant it?  Yes of course you can.  Can you remember the last time you used the word - probably not, because its part of the regular landscape of your speech.  It was probably only ten minutes ago, or at least earlier in the day.  So its time to take action.

This is the next word that I want you to strike from your vocabulary, except when there is a genuine reason to be sorry, real regret.  First you need to build awareness and start to notice yourself saying it.  Then you need to catch yourself about to say it and decide that it is a positive thing to find another word or just lose the sorry and don't replace it.  You will feel much stronger if you do not go around apologising unnecessarily for yourself the whole time.  You have as much right to be you as the next man.

The crows

The birds in the garden are thronging around my recently filled feeders this morning.  There are about 35 chaffinches (which are my sparrow equivalent) along with the usual array of blue, great and coal tits, greenfinches, siskins, nuthatches and the woodpeckers.  Here is a shot of one of my woodpeckers at the nut feeder.  Thanks Pete for sending this over.  We also get visitations from jackdaws and crows.  The crows don't stay on the ground for long, they are very nervous and fly away if I move about behind the windows.  This always surprises me as they are the biggest of the birds that visit (apart from the one time that a peregrine was strutting around the lawn).

Despite its shyness the sheer size of the crow makes all the other birds fly off when it lands.  This just serves to remind me that appearances are deceptive.  We all assume that the crow will be powerful and confident because of  its size.  We are all fooled by appearances to some extent.  Remind yourself of this when you are going into new or difficult situations.  If you land the way the crow does, with an air of command and presence, then you'll convince everyone around you that you know what you are talking about and are a force to be reckoned with.

Remember that projecting an outer positive self helps us to maintain our inner confidence and resolve.  Your insides may be churning, squirming or filled with butterflies but no-one aorund you can see that.  They can just see that calm, confident self assured outer self that you are projecting.  Try it today.

Being bad....

I discovered today when talking to Judith that ever since we got back from our climbing trip to the Tetons, almost two weeks ago now, she, like me, is having trouble getting out of bed and wanting an afternoon nap!  Today I got up to start work early but then found myself so tired that I had a lie down on the sofa even before I'd had my breakfast.   This felt like a really bad thing to do.  I reflected on that and realised that its all about rules that existed when I was a child.

Its surprising how many of the things that we do are guided by rules that we learnt as children.  However as adults we are perfectly capable of making our own new rules, of setting up our own house rules or rules for living, rather than always living with those of our parents.  I'm not saying that we should throw out all of our rules from childhood, just make a positive choice about what our own  rules are going to be.

I have decided that I will listen to my body and if I am really tired then I wil rest - that will be my new rule - rather than feeling bad if I have been lying on the sofa during the day.  How many of your parents' rules are still guiding you today?  How many of your parents' rules leave you feeling confined or guilty?  What do you plan to do about that?  What are your own rules for living?  Making a decision to live by your own rules is a positive choice for your future.

Looking forwards

It was my birthday yesterday and I always find that for me its a good time to review my progress by looking back at past achievements, both personal and work, and then looking forwards to the future.  I choose this time cos its always easy for me to remember my birthday last year and how I celebrated it.  So looking back this year I realised that I hadn't acquired any new music since last year - no new CDs or downloads - I think that's pretty bad as I love to be surrounded by music both in the car and at home. So action point for the coming year is to get find some new sounds that I like.

Too often though what I have found is that we spend too much time looking back and not enough time looking forward. We dissect all those apparent failures with such precision and go over again and again what might have been, what could have been.  Looking back is a great way to inform our future. We should look back and learn from it, then look forward and make a new plan NOT dwell in the past and beat ourselves up about it.

So what can you learn from your life over the past week, month or year?  What are you going to do differently as a result of that, in your work or personal life? 

Not making a decision

I've bought a new car!  For most of us this is an exciting event and it is also for me. I phoned a couple of friends to tell them about this and the response that I got surprised me. "Boring" "How predictable" "What not another one!"  This is all due to the fact that my new car is in fact the same car again. This will by my third lime green fast "boy-racer" Seat Ibiza and that is why I am being called predictable.

What I actually did was not make a decision. I have not had time to consider what new car I should get so when this one just fell into my lap it seemed a good idea to just go with it and avoid that decision for a few years longer.

In fact I did make a decision - not to make a decision - and its certainly OK to do that if you don't feel that you have the time, space or information to  make a decision. At least if you decide not to decide you can redirect your energies elsewhere rather than continually nagging yourself about the decision that needs to be made.

So what do you need to not make a decision about so that you can allow yourself to move on in other areas. 

An exciting new beginning

So here I am at last. I am so excited by what is happening in my life and work that I need to share it all with you more than I can with just my newsletter Positive Energy.  That will continue to go out every month with positive hints and tips to keep you moving forward positvely (got to finish this month's as soon as I have done this posting, sorry Sarah and Chantal).  There is more happening every day that is exciting and positive that can't wait a month to be shared.  Here I'll be telling you positive stories from my life, thoughts that I have had that might help you and anything else that drifts into my creative brain late at night or early in the morning.