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Welsh Rarebits

On the train yesterday I encountered a group of women heading to Edinburgh.  They were "girls on tour" with their sequinned red dragon T shirts and bottles of coke laced with vodka.  They had ended up in the "quiet coach" and upset people with their high spirits, good humour and loud jokes and laughter.  They were enjoying themselves, having a great time.  They had abandoned husbands, children, work and responsibilities to let their hair down, relax and get away for the weekend.

Although I have to admit that it was a lot more peaceful when they moved to the next carriage, I admire them for their attitude.  In the face of disapproval they were just being themselves, not modulating their behaviour, moulding it into what everyone else expected from a group of women probably aged from 30 to their late 40s.  It was very refreshing to see.  Yes I sympathise with the passengers who wanted a quiet journey, but hey, it was Friday afternoon, the country was at a standstill becaue of the weather - its OK to have some fun sometimes.

And how different would people's reactions have been if it had been a group of men?  When I eventually got off the train I walked down the platform to find their carriage and held up a written note to the window that read "Have a great time!  Enjoy!".  Go girls!

When did you last let your hair down, abandon all inhibitions and let go?  What would happen if you did?

Old and simple remedies

There was an item on the news tonight about some research into flu. They've found that you can significantly reduce your risk of infection by wearing a mask. Not just any old wad of cotton though, a proper sugical mask. Its really surprising that no-one has done this research before. It just indicates that there are still old fashioned and easy ways to solve problems still waiting to be discovered, even today in the 21st century. We should remember this when trying to solve our own problems. Instead of seeking a complicated and many layered solution, ask yourself "Whats the simplest and easiest answer to this problem?" I have a friend who is trying to get his dog looked after when he's on holiday. Taking it to the kennels seems obvious but its complicated by their strict opening hours, his lack of car and of course the cost. He has another friend who loves dogs, would pick it up, drop it off and lavish it with love and long walks. Problem solved easily. The other day I ended up at Birmingham instead of Bristol when my flight was re-routed. The complexity of getting from there to my final destination by public transport was baffling. Just hire a car, get in it and drive there. Simple. Sorted. Ok, not very kind to the planet but got me where I needed to be. So don't struggle with long winded answers, solutions that need a degree to understand them or resolutions written on more than half a page. Get simple and your problems at home and at work disappear more quickly.

Making Dreams Come True

Today one of my long desired dreams came true. I clipped into my skis outside my back door and skied off down into the village to the Post Office. Skiing from the back door is something I've wanted to do for a long time. We have a lot less snow in Cumbria than we used to so I've had to wait 6 years for the opportunity. Although there have been times when we've had sufficient snow before, I've always been away from home. Everyone in the village now think that I'm mad but I really enjoyed the experience. And it was a superb work-out too; I got home glowing and very very warm from the exercise. Later I was talking with a friend and she said how lucky I was to be able to do that. Well surprisingly I don't really believe in luck. Either you've sent an intention out to the universe that has delivered what you wanted or it's a combination of preparation meeting opportunity. I've been preparing for years; getting the right kit, learning the techniques, building confidence, watching and learning about the weather and the snow. And the opportunity was created because of the way that I've been managing my work. I'm having more concentrated periods of work and therefore longer periods at home. So to create your own luck you need to be preparing so that when that opportunity arises you are ready to jump right in. What's your heart's desire? What are you doing now to be ready when that opportunity presents itself?

New Year Revolutions

We live in the age of recycling and reusing.  At this time of year everyone is rushing around trying to keep to thier new year resulotions or trying to make some up if they got left out of the New Year hurly burly.  Trying here of course is the operative word.  And the problem with it is that as long as you tell yourself you are trying, that is all you will do.  You will keep trying and possibly never actually succeed. 

Its a very plucky thing to do, just keep trying.  Well I say that never mind new resolutions, just recycle the ones that you already have.  How's that for a revolution!  Well its easy really.  How many times last year did you say to yourself "I really must stop doing that" or maybe "I must rememebr that when I do X I need to do it that way" or maybe "I really should do X or Y this week". 

So my new year revolution is to advise you to just recycle all of those everyday resolutions that you made at any time last year.  These are only small things and they can make a big difference to your life.  Achieving suuccess in these small things, rather than just trying, will make you feel good about yourself and will spur you on to greater challenges.  And because they are small things they are not intimidating or difficult to achieve.

So get out all those tired old resolutions, dust them off and get cracking!!

Have you lost your spring?

I hadn't been anywhere for two days on Monday when I got the car out. I turned the wheel and under the bonnet it went TWANG! That, dear readers, is the sound of a broken spring. I know that because my old car had the same problem. The garage have ordered the part and it'll be here in a day or so. What I want to know is - how come a spring can break when the car is sitting there for two days not moving? One of life's great imponderables. However as well as my car losing its spring it seems that I've lost some of my spring too. A friend visited last week and told me that I wasn't my normal bouncy self. I hadn't noticed this, but on reflection he was right. As a result of the combination of all the travelling, doing things at the last minute, getting to financial year end, coping with the VAT change I had just run out of steam. What is interesting is that until I was interacting with someone else I hadn't noticed it. So since last week I've been taking better care of myself. We've sorted out the finance stuff and I now have about 3 weeks without any work travel so everything has calmed down a bit. I'm also feeling good as things are looking bright for next year. I'm talking to half a dozen potential new clients who are very warm prospects. I already have trips planned to Australia, Spain and France and others might follow. How do you know how much spring you have? What will you do if you also run out of spring?

Be like a child for a while

I've had friends staying over the weekend and its been great fun. We were up late chatting last night and I went outside to check on the weather. It was snowing which I find SO exciting. So I summoned everyone else to come and look. We were like a bunch of kids, wondering what it would be like tomorrow, would there be enough for me to get my skis out, for the boys to make a snowman, what would the roads be like, and how long would it last. Its really refreshing to get back to those pure feelings of excitement, wonder, joy and sheer enjoyment that we had when we were young. As adults all too often we are far too grown up. We think it's not seemly to whoop with joy and leap about excitedly, to rush outside into the snow without a coat, to just laugh and giggle sometimes for no reason at all. We spend too much time being responsible, sensible, organised and often just plain boring. So I say in the run up to the busy holiday season its time to rediscover the things that give you a child-like delight and to simply enjoy those moments when you are doing these things. Life is far too short to be sensible all the time. Loose a whole load of years for half an hour. What made you squeal with joy when you were 7 and 8? Go out and do that now!!!

Whats your passion?

I had a friend staying the other day. He is a Liverpool fan and they were playing a game. Every now and again his phone would go off when it alerted him that they had scored. He apologised for it. "You don't mind if I look at this do you?" I don't mind - it's important to him, its something that he cares about. Is there stuff you care about? Or do you just fade into the background, just another grey person with nothing to distinguish you from anyone else. I've often found that people can be all too politically correct about stuff, not want to put their hand up and be counted, actually speak out about stuff that they care about. It doesn't matter what you care about really, just that there is something that gets you excited. That something will give you some zing, make you seem alive. It will drive you to action and colour what you do. It will set you apart from people around you. And when the chips are down it can give you something to live for, a reason to keep going. What you really care about makes you who you are to some extent. If you don't really care very much about anything then who are you, really? What do you care about? Does anyone know that?

Be spontaneous

It's great to be focused and have a plan to achieve your goals. Having to-do lists and knowing what you have to achieve every day is a great motivator. Knowing where you are going keeps you moving in the right direction. However it's also important to find time for spontaneity. We can start to feel hemmed in and restricted if we stick rigidly to our plans and don't take advantages of opportunities that might come along. Taking the spontaneous path sometimes can leave us refreshed and invigorated. We may gain new momentum and encounter fresh ideas. Whatever else happens we get a beneficial change of environment and do things differently. This weekend is allocated to catching up on admin. I've been really busy over the last few weeks and have had very little time for being organised. Those day-to-day things that need keeping an eye on in the office just don't get done when you are actually out of the office most of the time. So far I've been pretty productive, getting some stuff in the post, dealing with the incoming mail, getting expenses sorted out. Then I decided to have a break and go out. Its brilliantly sunny here and although its cold, I really wanted to be outside. I've spent too many days inside when the weather has been really inviting. So I took my sacks and headed off to the wood to collect fire-lighting sticks. I always keep a stock indoors and they are starting to get low. I was rewarded by the sight of a deeply coloured red squirrel scurrying away up a tree as I passed and several pheasants taking flight at my approach. The floor in the wood is really yielding with fallen leaves until I reached the north facing slopes where the ground was still all frozen. That really brought home to me just how cold it has been. Having got back I am feeling invigorated and ready to grab some lunch and get on with all the things that are still waiting to be done. What have you done spontaneously this week? What can you do today that you weren't planning?

Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging

This afternoon I was taken to the pictures by a 13 year old friend! What an indulgence. I so enjoyed it. Haven't cried so much since yesterday (but that's another story) and its all soooooo true to life. All that teenage angst. And the memory of feeling like that. Hey teens - got news for you - its actually doesn't go away, you can feel like that even at my great age (!) and boys are STILL a different species although I am starting to understand little bits about them. Its still a big experiment though and I've come pretty close to the perfect snog - sometimes.

So my advice to everyone is to just go and see it and indulge yourself. Its all harmless fun.

But then what is it all about. In the end it all comes down to just being yourself. That's actually all she needed to do to get the man. Life all goes so much more smoothly when you decide to do that. It can be so much effort when you don't, like swimming against the tide.

What is stopping you from being yourself today? How would you respond to people as truly you - rather than the "you" that you think they want you to be?

We just don't care any more

I was talking to a woman yesterday who was saying that now she's reached the age that she is she just doesn't care any more.  "So my hair is grey, what does that matter.  I don't have to try so hard as I have nothing to prove".

That is such a liberating feeling.  The confidence to be yourself.  That feeling of most things being right with your world so you are not swimming against the tide, continually trying to fix things, always striving for the next good thing that must be done.

The benefit of being older is that we can attain a calmer and more settled state of mind. A lot of our battles and challenges are in the past.  We've done all the caring for others, climbing the greasy pole, keeping up with the Joneses.  Now is an opportunity to spend more time with ourselves, to focus on what we want for a change.  So sit down, cuddle up to your cup of tea and look at the world with fresher ideas about what it can deliver for you!

These are the rules!

Today is the warmest day of the year so far. Even here in deepest Cumbria it was warm enough to sit outside and eat my breakfast.  As I was doing this I remembered about my rules.  "Go outside when the sun shines" and "Eat outside whenever I can" are two of my rules for living.

The idea of these, which comes from my Springboard programme, is that you set rules that are there to help you survive.  They protect and nurture you, enable you to be you and to prioritise what you value.  Once you write them down they provide you with a shorthand way of checking things and good new habits that help you maintain focus, direction and perspective.

I have just delved into my Springboard workbook from when I did the programme about 10 years ago.  Here is a list of my survival rules that were written there.

• Go outside when the sun shines
• Eat outside whenever I can
• Get completely away from work at the weekend
• Don't sacrifice sleep for alcohol
• Don't cancel because of the weather
• Do nothing sometimes
• Don't feel guilty about things that make you feel good
• Make tea in my special tea pot and drink it out of my special huge mug
• Walk the floor
• Get more hugs

I still apply these rules to my life today. Because they are about what I need to survive they are still relevant.  What survial rules can you set for your life?

Bucket List

I’ve just been to see Bucket List with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. It’s a great film and one that we should watch about every five years once we get past 30.

The bucket list is the list of things you MUST do before you “kick the bucket”.  It’s a great idea that I have seen people use often – things to do before I get to 40, 50, 60 or whatever.  But how many of the things on the list do you actually get round to doing and how many of them are worthy rather than fun, fulfilling, just plain daft and expressive of the inner you?

So here’s another idea. Write another list. This list is a Memory List. A list of things that you’d like other people to remember you for. I bet if you write this list it will get more to the heart of what you’re about at this stage of your life AND there will also be things on it that you still need to do, want to do, will do before the end. Many of us will find this list motivational, driving us on to action better than the Bucket List might.

Peer pressure

So my Saturday night....

Working on a tender all day, lit the fire at 6pm, spent about 40 mins or so fixing some draught proofing around my office door, did about an hour or so more work, felt hungry, had a chewy bar (Apricot and Cinnamon Fruit Finger from OK foods - really yummy) and 4 squares of chocolate and a glass of Bailey's for my dinner, worked some more until about 9pm, then watched a dvd, then read my book for half an hour before going to bed.

What a great night in, productive, practical, and some relaxation.  Not too many years ago I would have felt that on a Saturday night I should be out on the town, meeting friends, entertaining or being entertained. socialising, getting a culture fix, doing something different from the humdrum week nights.  Now I just think I'll please myself and actually I don't care about what everyone thinks about my Saturday night, it works for me. 

Now that we are older we don't need to succumb to the peer pressure about how we lead our lives. Lets live our lives for ourselves, getting out and putting in what we want instead of what other people think we should have.

Breaking rules

Today I had a bacon sandwich for breakfast.  Well it wasn't just an ordinary bacon sandwich.  It also had grilled cherry tomatoes and sliced apple and it was made with toasted-on-one-side soya and linseed bread (not that I am fussy about my food!).  However it does break lots of rules to eat like this.  I have friends who say you shouldn't eat fuit and meat together (duck a l'orange?), who don't like sweet and savoury foods together (chinese sweet and sour?), who like their toast almost cremated, who wouldn't buy cherry tomatoes cos they are extravagant (56p in tescos?).

All of these are rules that they like to live by.  But when you stop and think about your rules, how many of them are really your own rules?  We are all carrying around rules we have inherited from our parents, school teachers, family, culture, country, friends and heroes.  And when we break these rules we may feel secretly guilty or surprisingly free.

So here's a new idea.  Instead of thinking about breaking or bending those old rules, other people's rules, when you do something that seems to contradict or contravene them, think of this action as making a new rule, one of your own rules, rules that you design and re-design to guide your life for today.  That way you will feel much more in control of your own life and become better at decision making.

My rule for sandwiches is that there are no rules about what should and shouldn't go in or go together, but I will experiment always to find out what works for me.  So red leicester cheese and strawberry jam might sound awful to you but on a cold and windy hilltop it's magic to me.  Make a new rule for you today!

Disco Fever

I've been away this weekend at the annual dinner for my climbing club, held at Plas-y-Brenin, the national mountain centre for Wales at Capel Curig. Now this isn't generally some high falutin' swanky affair although this year we did set a dress code of black tie and most of us rose to the occasion with DJs and long slinky frocks abounding.  It certainly raised a few eyebrows amongst those in the Brenin bar where the regular dress code is more fleece than feathers.

We almost always do a DIY disco after our meal with someone bringing a boom box so that we can drown out the noise of the rain on the roof and dance away our misery about not being able to climb on the following day.  This year was no different and we started with a continual shuffle from someone's iPod but no-one wanted to dance this stuff and then the audience rebelled and we switched back to the CDs brought by me and several others.  We were soon leaping around to the strains of Status Quo, Steve Harley, Thin Lizzy and many other hits from the 70s, 80s and early 90s.

Although we have a wide spread of age in our club, from mid 30s to over 50 we do all like the same sort of things to dance to and one of the bonuses of getting older is that we don't care what we look like on the dance floor, we just want to have some fun.  So as you get older there is no need to give up the disco habit, you may just get even more enjoyment from it as you become more confident just to be yourself.  When was the last time you went out just to have fun?  When will you do that again?

Getting a grip on reality

I was living this afternoon in a state of altered reality. Well at least I wasn't exactly sure what was real and what wasn't - it was sort of like being in a parallel universe.  I had been around to the garage to pick up my new car (yes finally) and I was driving home in my old car but quite a lot of the bits from the new car had been swapped onto it. So I was driving along in a bit of a heinz vehicle and couldn't quite get my head round which car I was really in, even at one point feeling I was in the car before this one (which had the same radio). It was quite a bizarre and unsettling feeling.

However it led me to ask myself what is reality anyway?  I know my friend Pete who is studying philosophy would have things to say about this!  However whatever we see happening around and inside us is real for us, so your feelings are real, your thoughts are real and your fears are real as well.  That means that no-one can (or should) dismiss them - in your world they are reality. So learn to respect other people's reality and also to respect your own, rather than altering your reality to fit someone else's. You have a right to your own reality (however twisted or strange it might sometimes seem to other people :-)). It's all about being true to yourself.

But that doesn't mean you can't change your reality. What is real today needn't necessarily be real tomorrow and vice versa. So if your version of reality doesn't suit you then change it, adapt it, remould it to the reality that you want.

What's real for you today?  What was real for you 5 years ago?  How has your reality changed over that period?  How could your reality change in the future?  How do you want your reality to be in the future?  What are you going to do about that?

Positive Steps

The papers arrived this morning as I was drinking my bed-tea today and gazing out at the spectacular Shimla mountain view, looking West towards tomorrows destination of Kashmir.  I leafed through the Times of India to find a Speaking Tree article defining confidence.  What do you know - it's all reduced to a simple formula, so all your worries are over. 

Here goes:  Confidence = Feeling good + Taking Responsibility = Being Accountable + Developing Skills

There - simple!

So in typical left field style I am going to start at the end and come back to the rest.  How do you feel when you start to learn something new?  Well mostly rubbish cos you are not very good at it.  But as your skills improve don't you feel your confidence building as you master more and more of the skill, as you become expert at each little step, as what felt awkward and new now feels familiar and safe?  However what often happens is that we try learning new skills and give up too easily before we have even given ourselves enough time to know the basics.  it's time to realise that a little persistence pays off and the skills development success will really boost you confidence and give you a more positive outlook.

So what skills are you developing now?  What did you start and give up on?  What new skills do you want to develop?  Take those first positive steps today.

It's not what you wear

I think that boys have it easy.  When you go off to visit new cultures you don't have the constant worries about what is and isn't safe to wear.  Am I allowed to show arms or legs?  Should my head be covered?  I had just such a discussion with myself coming out here to India.  In the end I decided that I should just wear what I always wear, which tends to be comfortable trousers and tops.  That's me and I feel happy dressed that way and it shouldn't offend anyone.

One of the things that I have found really positive about getting older is that I no longer really worry about what other people think about my clothes.  I feel much more comfortable than I used to just being me, without needing to conform to norms (which I never really did - except the student one with the tatty jeans and afghan coat) or dress for someone else.  OK I'll admit that I still do that sometimes but I'm completely aware of what I'm doing (and it usually has the desired effect!).

In fact India is such a melting pot of traditional and modern that it doesn't really matter what you wear.  My host is in Indian dresses and her doctor daughter has just come back form work in jeans.  So being me was the right choice.  Where are you still conforming and not being you?  How much longer are you going to go on doing that?  How much older will you need to be be be before you are comfortable being you?  Why not start being you today - remember Jenny Jones - get out your purple!

Being yourself

On Saturday I was writing a tender, working late into the night and then drove into Carlisle to post it at midnight (oh the joys of self employment). In the tender I was writing about one of the associates that I work with, describing how he works with integrity. And I was reflecting today on the train home from London that its not a word in common usage, as I think that many people don't understand its meaning.

Its just about being true to yourself, about being yourself, about living up to your own values, about practising what you preach, walking  the talk. 

When we are truly being ourselves life is so much easier.  Decisions flow more naturally from your true self, people relate to who you really are and your life finds its own direction naturally.  Yet how many of us are living by other people's values, not being ourselves every day, but being what other people expect us to be. You may be being the happy husband, the supportive wife, the loving daughter, the sympathetic colleague cos that is what the people around you have come to expect.  As long as you are living someone else's impression of your life it will not feel right.  It so much easier just to be yourself.

So next time you catch yourself thinking "If only I didn't have to......" its time for an integrity check - are you truly being yourself? Its so much more positive to be yourself rather than live as someone's imagined character.  Go on give it a try today.

Harness your passion

Today I was listening to a thought for the day on BBC Radio Cumbria where someone's passion has led them to new opportunities.  And I wondered how many of us really allow that passion that we have (whatever it is for) to drive us along. Often we will stifle it because its not appropriate, there isn't time, someone else thinks its silly etc etc

Well if you keep doing that then you will  never get into that state of excitement that sweeps all before it, that state where you believe that nothing could possibly go wrong, that state that allows you to conquer all and achieve anything that you set your mind to.  These things are driven by passion. If you allow your passion to show through then you will not need to motivate yoursef to get up every day, you will find your motivation rises easily from within.  And that positive feeling will transfer to other areas of your life as well, making everything much rosier.

So go on indulge your passion today!

Lost words - again

The other day I was talking to a man who runs a small business.  All of his staff are female, about 8 or 9 or them.  He is a great supporter of women's development but mystified about the apparent lack of confidence of his staff.  He tells them repeatedly that they are doing a great job and from my dealings with them I know that they all do a highly professional job and I have a lot of respect for their skills and experience.

Yet he says that the first thing they do in the morning is apologise - they say "Sorry" as if they are apologising for their own existence.  When I pondered on this I realised that I hear this happening a lot. Women will often say sorry as a way of opening a sentence, before we even know what the other person's reaction is going to be.  If we went around and counted how many times at work we hear our male colleagues saying sorry and compare that with how many times we hear our female colleagues saying sorry I think that we'd find that we win hands down.

Also because it is such a habitual speech pattern we do not even hear ourselves saying it - let alone recognise how it diminishes us.  Can you remember the last time you said sorry and really meant it?  Yes of course you can.  Can you remember the last time you used the word - probably not, because its part of the regular landscape of your speech.  It was probably only ten minutes ago, or at least earlier in the day.  So its time to take action.

This is the next word that I want you to strike from your vocabulary, except when there is a genuine reason to be sorry, real regret.  First you need to build awareness and start to notice yourself saying it.  Then you need to catch yourself about to say it and decide that it is a positive thing to find another word or just lose the sorry and don't replace it.  You will feel much stronger if you do not go around apologising unnecessarily for yourself the whole time.  You have as much right to be you as the next man.

Your authentic self

I got a note from a new Positive Energy subscriber tonight who is searching for her authentic self.  This is a fascinating journey that many of us never take.  However we all have those uncomfortable moments when we know that what we are doing or saying or being involved with just isn't right.  If it feel like its not true to yourself then it probably isn't.  Its a great one to trust your gut instinct on.

Its all about integrity.  Many of you know what a health nut I am.  I have never smoked and I was talking a couple of years ago with some people about doing some training work with one of the big tobacco companies and this really caused me a lot of soul searching.  My health principles would say that I should not be involved with that sort of organisation.  Yet observing my values of freedom and choice and giving everyone a chance to reach their full potential meant that I could see that the women there had a need for my programmes.

Finding your authentic self will give you so much more energy.  Its a really positve step to take as you will be more aligned with your values.  So when you are getting that uncomfortable feeling ask yourself "Is this really me?"  "Given free will would I make this decision in this way?" "What does the real me really want here?"

What Ruth said...

Who listened to the Archers today?  BBC Radio 4 for our international readers - you can listen again through their website.

Ruth was saying that she'd spent so long being Ruth the mother, Ruth the wife, Ruth the farmer that she's lost touch with who Ruth was for herself.  How many other people do I know like that? Far too many.  A lot of us morph imperceptibly from one role to the next throughout the day.  You step into mother role to help out with the homework, a friend rings for that fabulous cake recipe and you transform immediately into domestic goddess. Your sister calls round, having trouble with Mr Right and you are now helpful counsellor and confidante.  You are pillar of society at the school carnival, dependable Doris at work and supportive wife at home.  When are you going to be you?

Well I'm giving you some homework.  This is for today.  And tomorrow. And for every day.

Take just 10 minutes to do something only for you.  Just 10 minutes.  Its not much.  And it will help you connect more positively with who you are and what you want out of life.  Remember it only for you - not your partner, mother, boss, friend.   What will you choose?  For my 10 minutes tonight I will sit outside in the sun, gaze at the view and drink green tea (and not answer the phone if it rings).

Go on, treat yourself to that time, do something just for you, its only ten minutes.  Take it now.

Disappointment Peak

I am at Chicago airport on my way home and pondering about my holiday in the Teton National Park, Wyoming. I have had a great time and have unfortunately not got as much climbing done as I would have liked. This was due to a vareity of circumstances. I am disappointed as its a long way to travel.  There is a peak there called Disappointment Peak. It was climbed by the earlier expolorers and as it did not lead where they were hoping so they named it Disappointment Peak.

One of the side effects of not managing so much climbing is that I have seen a LOT of wildlife that I may not have encountered. Count amongst that lots of bear, buffalo and elk, as well as some spectacular birdlife and it all adds up to not a disappointment but a great success. In life its all a matter of attitude. I could call it a disappointing climbing holiday or a successful break in the Tetons. I choose the latter.

What are the things that you are viewing as a disappointment?  What are the positive aspects of that apparent disappointment?.  How can you reframe how you are looking at things to give yourself a more positive outlook?

Did you do a park today?

I am in Orlando for a course this week. Its very hot, about 92 degrees and we have thunderstorms every day.  Almost everyone here is on holiday. I can see the roller coasters at Universal Studios theme park from my hotel window and I am just across the road from the Wet and Wild park.

In the midst of all this holiday spirit I am starting to feel a bit more chilled and last night went out to a movie instead of working.  It's interesting how easy it is to be infected by a group atmosphere. That's good if the atmosphere is positive like in the theme parks but less good if it's not what you want to feel.  We have lots of language around this - getting into the party spirit, soaking up the atmosphere, go with the flow to name just a few.  It's good to recognise when you are slipping into a group atmosphere so that you can become more conscious about your mental state. If the group state is not what you want then just move away. Move outside the group and you will find it easier to maintain your own state.

When are you being sucked into a group state that you want to avoid?  What positive mental state do you want to maintain?  Focus on that and you will be able to maintain it even if all around you are being more negative.

Not making a decision

I've bought a new car!  For most of us this is an exciting event and it is also for me. I phoned a couple of friends to tell them about this and the response that I got surprised me. "Boring" "How predictable" "What not another one!"  This is all due to the fact that my new car is in fact the same car again. This will by my third lime green fast "boy-racer" Seat Ibiza and that is why I am being called predictable.

What I actually did was not make a decision. I have not had time to consider what new car I should get so when this one just fell into my lap it seemed a good idea to just go with it and avoid that decision for a few years longer.

In fact I did make a decision - not to make a decision - and its certainly OK to do that if you don't feel that you have the time, space or information to  make a decision. At least if you decide not to decide you can redirect your energies elsewhere rather than continually nagging yourself about the decision that needs to be made.

So what do you need to not make a decision about so that you can allow yourself to move on in other areas. 

A 13 year old moment

A 13 year old moment

I’ve been watching Sex in the City.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before as I don’t have a TV and rarely watch when I am in away hotels, as I am usually still working in the evenings. However they were talking about being 34, yet having a 13 year old moment and I thought what a fabulous idea that was.

I know that sometimes I really want to step aside from being grown up and have some 13 year old time.  A time when there are no responsibilities, no car to service or rent to pay. Some time when life stretches before me like a blank sheet of paper, waiting to be filled with exciting adventures. Some time when life contains more fun and less worry, more hopes and fewer fears.

And we can all do that. We can all decide to have some time when we are going to act as if we were 13 again and there was so much potential ahead of us. Just think what we could accomplish if we believed that some of our best achievements were yet to come, that we were still at the beginning of an exciting lifetime, that there was still so much more to look forward to.  Try it and see how it feels. 

Or you could ask yourself next time you are wrestling with a problem or issue - How would I react or approach this if I was 13, what decisions would I make, how would I see things differently?

That 13 year old is still there inside all of us, get your 13 year old to help you.

In great company

Today I have been with all of my Springboard, Spring Forward, Fresh Steps and Navigator chums at our annual get together in Rugby.  I came away from the day feeling as if I was glowing with a sort of "ready brek" glow both internally and externally.  This is because I had been in great company all day. In the company of people who are positive, care about what they do and about other people.  People like this who enjoy what they do and who are enthusiastic lift our mood. Its great to be with them as you feel better.

A while ago I noticed this and did a clear out of my friends. I chose not to spend time with those who sapped my energy and dampened my mood.  I didn't really do anything interventional, just didn't ring or email them. And they never really contacted me so its was clear where all the energy was coming from to keep the relationhsip going.  I now spend time with friends who are positive and supportive where we are both gaining from the relationship.

Who are you spending your time with?  How do you feel with those people?  Are you in great company or are your friends and family sapping your energy?  Its time to choose those positive relationships over the negative ones.  You won't miss the negative ones when they are gone but you sure will benefit from spending more time with positive people.

Thanks to Jane, the Lizzes, Sarah, Helen, Kay, Janet, Debbie, Moira, Cath, Jenny, Julia, Marie, Bernadette, Patricia, Chris, Jan, Hugh, Celia, Nicky, George, Kathy and everyone else for being my GangPositive!