BlogPositive

Climbing films

Last night I was in Cockermouth watching a collection of films about climbing.  The climbers were explaining that one of the compelling things about the sport was the existence of doubt.  The doubt about whether or not it was possible to get to the top of the route that you decide to climb.  As you haven't climbed the route before you do not actually know exactly what lies ahead.  You don't know how steep it is, how good the holds will be, how slippery or grippy it will be, how much effort it will need.  So although you might set out believing that you can get to the top there is always doubt.  And with that comes the fear.  However by overcoming the doubt and fear you can climb to the top and feel the exhilaration of reaching that pinnacle of achievement.

Most people set goals and we don't actually know what does lie ahead for us, just like the climbers.  However much you believe in your own success, you cannot control the world and those around you.  So there will always be room for doubt.  What will get you to the top is the willingness to just give it a go and see what happens.  The climbers fell off their routes lots of times last night but they didn't give up, they just got back on and tried again.

So when it looks like it might be going pear shaped, stay tied on to your rope and give it another go.

Why are you queuing?

I had another challenging transport day yesterday.  I was at Birmingham International station with no trains at all going North due to a fatality at the next station.  There were about 200 people queuing for buses and another 50 or so in the queue for taxis.  It was just gone midday and I had been up since 3.30am. I was certainly not in the mood for queuing and I just wanted to get home.

So a thought came to me.  That station is right next to the airport and is connected by a monorail taking just 1minute.  I hopped across to the airport and jumped straight into a taxi to New St station. No queues, no crowds, no waiting.

All it needed was the creative thinking to make the connection.  But how many of us feel that we are waiting in line in our lives and work for something to happen, feeling that you have to let the others go first, that you have to hang on until the appointed time, until you came to the top of the pile or the front of the queue.  Yet maybe, just a minute away, there is a place where you don't have to queue, where people want to help you, where there are resources and facilities aplenty, where there is opportunity. It could be right in the next office or just around the corner and you haven't seen it cos you've been blinkered, focusing on keeping your place in the queue right in front of you, just like everyone else.

I say, life is too short for queuing.  Think creatively about where there are no queues and how could you get there.  What will you do to queue-jump today?  How will it feel when your queueing days are behind you and you have all that stuff that you have been waiting for?

The best year yet?

See I don't really believe in being talked down by all those gainsayers out.  It may not be cool or popular to say it but I am going to.......

Are you ready?

I am having my best year yet!!

Yes its completely true.  Exisiting clients are throwing more work at me almost daily. I am getting new clients and I am getting calls from people who want to work with me in a variety of new and different ways. Hey you may think that I'm lucky, that I have some secret formula.  Well let me tell you the secret.

Are you ready?

Its bloody hard work.  All that client work does not fall out of the sky I can tell you. Its about applying yourself, doing the hard graft, not giving up when you get a no the first time round all mixed up with a very healthy amount of always putting the client first, doing a damn good job when you get out there to do your thing and believing that everything will go right, having a sales accumulator graph on the wall in front of me and expecting to be successful.  And yes there are some nights with just a few hours sleep.  Yes there are the days when the public transport system lets you down or the bank seems to be your worst enemy, but thats just real life and no-one ever died from real life.  Above all its  about having a passion and belief in what I'm doing.  For me thats what makes the difference between good and great.

So if I can buck the recession trend so can you.  If you want to have the best year yet for you and your life just decide to make it that way.  Think positve, take action towards those positive goals, give something back and expect the best.  But remember - the secret is taking action, not just thinking about it.  What action can you take today to make this your best year yet?

Keep smilin thru

The last two day have been a time of trial by weather for many.  I've chosen to stay smiling and believe that the best would happen.

Yesterday I had a flight to Stansted from Newcastle.  This was a good thing cos it was the only airport open.  Bristol, Luton, East Midlands and Birmingham all were shut with snow.  At the end of the day I then went by train to Swindon.  I arrived hopefully at an eerily empty Paddington at 5.30pm and was safely delivered to my destination on time amidst gloomy predictions of travel chaos.

Then today I had to get to Bristol from Swindon for a flight, with heavy snow making travel difficult.  Fate deliverd me a coaching client with a 4x4 (thanks Michelle) who drove me to Bristol Parkway station where we holed up to regroup.  We laughed a lot and believed that we'd get it sorted out.  I took a train.  My gut feeling that the airport would remain closed and my flight cancelled turned out to be right and I actually got home earlier than if I had been on the plane.  Despite both Severn crossings being closed Michelle also got to Wales eventually.

Are you facing the world with equanimity, believing the best will happen?  What's your disaster recovery plan if everything fails?  What would be a more helpful emotion than worry and anxiety?

Proud to be Australian

The BBC announced this morning that the difference between the minimum temperature in the UK and the maximum temperature in Sydney was around 60 degrees.  Thats an amazing fact.  They then interviewed a number of Australians, asking them if they wanted to swap their heatwave for the snowy environment in the UK.  Not surprisingly they all said no.  One said "I'm proud to be Australian and I love my country.  I wouldn't swap it for anywhere".

I thought how refreshing it was to hear someone express that sort of pride.  I've very rarely heard anyone say that about Britain.  Somehow its become unfashionable to express pride, and not just pride in your country either.  How unusual is it for you to express pride in anything - your work, your children, your successes, your home or garden or creative projects, your friends or the support that they give you.

So just for a minute think of what you're proud of.  I'm proud of what I've achieved with my work - bringing opportunites for development to so many women.  I'm also proud of my course particpants for the many amazing things that they go on to achieve.  I'm proud of all my climbing and skiing friends who keep in touch when often I can't get out and join them because of work pressures.  I'm proud of taking the circulation of my newsletter to over 700 and I'm proud of my independance.

What are you proud of?  What does that tell you about yourself?  Who will you tell about that pride tomorrow? 

Snow bound

Did you give up trying to get to work today? As I work at home I didn't have that problem, but I did have to get into town for an appointment. There is about 6 inches of snow outside and I cleared the car with a brush. I knew that the journey would split into 3 bits in terms of difficulty. Firstly getting out along our drive and onto the road. Driving on fresh snow that only a few vehicles have passed over. Interesting and a bit like a slow waltz. The second bit down into the village was about the hairiest bit - a steep hill down and still lots of snow on the road. Then several miles on slippy back roads and after that plain sailing as I was onto the main A road. However none of it was really difficult or dangerous. Yes I slithered around a bit, but the road wasn't busy so it wasn't an issue. Yes I had difficulty getting the last 10 yards back to the house. But that was right here and the neighbours could have pushed if needs be. In fact that is just what we've been doing when one of my neighbours slewed into the bank just now. So I'm very glad that I went out and didn't just give up even before I'd started. Having that attitude of just having a go, see what happens, I'm sure I'll cope really helps. It's all too easy to just sit on the sidelines and believe that you can't achieve things. That attitude in life will not even take you outside your front door, let alone onto the promotion, fantastic new job, brilliant new life that you have always wanted. So if it's in the snow or in your life, just give it a go.

Trimming psychology

Today I was having my hair cut. My hairdresser at Toni & Guy Carlisle is Chinese so we were talking about the Chinese New Year. This fell on Monday and many people will be celebrating over the weekend. I asked him if he would be celebrating the Chinese New Year. He said that he didn't need it to be New Year to have a reason to celebrate. He'll be getting a bottle of wine out anyway.

I absolutely approve of that attitude. Why do we always need to wait for a "Special Occasion" to celebrate? How do you feel when you celebrate? You feel great, happy, euphoric, up, buzzing. Why would you want to wait to feel like that? Wouldn't it be great to feel like that every day?

So I recommend that you celebrate every day, just like my hairdresser. At the end of the day work out what went well today. What are your achievements? What did you do well? What did people thank you for? What should you give yourself a pat on the back for? It doesn't need to be anything major, even just getting through the day can be an achievement.

Once you've done that work out what the celebration will be. It doesn't have to be alcoholic!! Maybe its just allowing yourself an extra ten minutes in bed tomorrow, or eating that extra special yoghurt you've been saving, or phoning a friend you've not spoken to for ages.

The more you celebrate the more positive you'll become, the more positive you are the more success you'll attract and the more you'll have to celebrate. It's a virtuous circle. What are you celebrating today?

Old and simple remedies

There was an item on the news tonight about some research into flu. They've found that you can significantly reduce your risk of infection by wearing a mask. Not just any old wad of cotton though, a proper sugical mask. Its really surprising that no-one has done this research before. It just indicates that there are still old fashioned and easy ways to solve problems still waiting to be discovered, even today in the 21st century. We should remember this when trying to solve our own problems. Instead of seeking a complicated and many layered solution, ask yourself "Whats the simplest and easiest answer to this problem?" I have a friend who is trying to get his dog looked after when he's on holiday. Taking it to the kennels seems obvious but its complicated by their strict opening hours, his lack of car and of course the cost. He has another friend who loves dogs, would pick it up, drop it off and lavish it with love and long walks. Problem solved easily. The other day I ended up at Birmingham instead of Bristol when my flight was re-routed. The complexity of getting from there to my final destination by public transport was baffling. Just hire a car, get in it and drive there. Simple. Sorted. Ok, not very kind to the planet but got me where I needed to be. So don't struggle with long winded answers, solutions that need a degree to understand them or resolutions written on more than half a page. Get simple and your problems at home and at work disappear more quickly.

Your top team

Who are your top team? They are your board of directors, your trusted advisors, your unofficial mentors and coaches. Most companies however small have a team that helps them set strategy, deal with major issues and plan their growth. As an individual you can do exactly the same thing and have a top team who you talk to when you need advice.

I'm considering making major changes to my business life and about a month ago I was mulling over the opportunity. I felt uncomfortable and sort of edgy about it and knew I needed to get the advice of my top team. Because my business is me, any major changes are as much about me as they are about the business. I have a top team who I consult about major things in my life. In the space of one evening I spoke to 7 very different people, all friends who know me well. They had very different perceptions of what this might mean for me. They each highlighted different things that I should be thinking about and had a different reaction to the idea. Some were very cautious, some thought it was a risky move, some thought it might compromise my freedom to do the other things that I enjoy doing and some saw it as a fantastic opportunity.

However none of them said they didn't want to talk about it and they all said that I should keep in touch about what was happening. After these calls I felt much more settled. Although I hadn't made a final decision about what to do I felt I was better prepared to ask the right questions that would help me to gather the data that I needed. I've spoken to them all again this week as the matter progresses. It's a difficult one to make a decision about and although no-one else can make the decision for me, knowing that the top team care about my happiness and my future really helps.

Who are your top team? When did you last ask then for advice? How can you include them more in your decision making? What can you do to help them in return?

When would you give up?

I had an interesting day in Thursday. I flew to Bristol to get to a meeting in Devon. After two aborted landings in fog, we got re-routed and I ended up in Birmingham. We sat on the tarmac for ages before the captain made a decision to fly us back to Bristol. I worked out that by the time we had got clearance and actually got back it would too late for me to make it by bus and train to my meeting. I therefore asked to get off the plane. The EasyJet staff were quite shocked by this. Clearly its an irregular request and they didn't really have a procedure. However once I had said I wanted to get off so did 5 other people.

So I got off and hired a car to drive to Devon. Then the M5 was closed. Although I avoided this, thanks to information from my world class PA, the A roads around the diversion were still very congested. I did finally reach my destination about 2 hours late and was able to have my meeting.

However a lot of other people would have given up. How much determination do you have to keep going when the going gets tough? What would it actually take to make you give up? Do you give up too easily? Do you keep going when its hopeless?

Sometimes you have to make apparently foolish decisions in the face of difficult circumstances. But at least you have done something to keep moving forwards. The most frustrating time for me on Thursday was sitting on the tarmac. If you are not moving do something, anything to change the situation..

Exhaust knocking?

Today I took the car to the garage and got my exhaust sorted. It was a minor bit of work, took them about half an hour. It had been knocking really badly until the pipe-work warmed up and more recently even after that. It sounded dreadful and was really irritating. Its been niggling at me for about 2 months. I would notice it as I drove away from the house and then forget it as soon as I got out of the car. But it was steadily getting worse and a friend remarked on it recently. It was a terrible noise, sounded as it something big was falling apart.

However despite all this and knowing exactly what it was, it took me two months to sort it out. Now its great. Sounds much better, no knocking, nice and smooth no matter how fast I go around bends. Its was so easy why didn't I do it ages ago?

Well there are many, many things in life that that. They are small and niggly and you don't sort them out. They needle and irritate and have the potential to become bigger issues if not dealt with. You know the sort of thing. Your partner never filling the car with petrol, your mates always getting the round in and getting you the wrong drink, your kids inviting friends around on homework nights, your boss assuming you'll do the overtime cos you are the only woman without children, your colleagues never filling the photocopier with paper or toner. Its these little things that don't get dealt with that can gnaw away at you leading to a flare up or can become a bigger issue like when you have limited time to catch a train and the car needs petrol on the way.

Just think how much better life could be if you dealt with those small issues today. Think how much smoother your day would be. Think how much stress you could remove with just one small adjustment. Think how easy it would be to address it.

What small niggly issue are you dealing with today? How will you reward yourself when its sorted.

New Year Revolutions

We live in the age of recycling and reusing.  At this time of year everyone is rushing around trying to keep to thier new year resulotions or trying to make some up if they got left out of the New Year hurly burly.  Trying here of course is the operative word.  And the problem with it is that as long as you tell yourself you are trying, that is all you will do.  You will keep trying and possibly never actually succeed. 

Its a very plucky thing to do, just keep trying.  Well I say that never mind new resolutions, just recycle the ones that you already have.  How's that for a revolution!  Well its easy really.  How many times last year did you say to yourself "I really must stop doing that" or maybe "I must rememebr that when I do X I need to do it that way" or maybe "I really should do X or Y this week". 

So my new year revolution is to advise you to just recycle all of those everyday resolutions that you made at any time last year.  These are only small things and they can make a big difference to your life.  Achieving suuccess in these small things, rather than just trying, will make you feel good about yourself and will spur you on to greater challenges.  And because they are small things they are not intimidating or difficult to achieve.

So get out all those tired old resolutions, dust them off and get cracking!!

Where have you come from?

I've just reached my company financial year end. I was discussing this with a friend on Sunday. We have had a slight drop in overall income this year for a variety of reasons. None of these are to do with the credit crunch. However, looking forward to next year I am optimistic. We already have as much work scheduled for next year as we have done this year. That means that whatever new work I secure from here on is an addition to our bottom line, giving a greater income for next year. That's really good news to have just before xmas. But even better, my friend asked how that compared to last year. Well that's the critical thing. Looking back to December 2007, we didn't have the same level of work already programmed in for 2008. So that means that we are already ahead year on year. And that feels even better. I hadn't really taken that in until my friend asked that question. Sometimes we can only see how far we have come by looking back and seeing where we have come from. We often don't do that cos life is always moving forwards, we look to the future, we plan and set goals. So actually analysing where we were a year ago, a few months ago or even a week ago allows us to see how far we have progressed up our success ladder. And of course our success is not just measured financially but also in how we feel, how well our projects are progressing, how well our relationships are going and a million other measures that are meaningful to you. So how far have you come this year? Where were you a year ago? Where do you plan to be in a year's time?

Move along the bus

I've been on the bus to Newcastle today to see some clients. It's about a 90 minutes journey and on the outward trip I was almost the first on the bus so could sit right at the front. I can suffer from travel sickness so I like to be able to see where I am going. On the way back the bus was much busier and I ended up near the back. My window was covered with a logo on the outside. Looking through it was like peering through mesh and made me feel queasy. As soon as I could I moved to the next row forwards. I really wanted to be nearer to the front but there were no seats available. However, gradually, as people got off I was able to move first a few rows, then a few more until finally I had the seat I wanted. This didn't take too long and I spent most of the journey in the place that I wanted. That's actually how most of us make progress in life. It's about taking opportunities as they arrive, moving forwards in small steps towards where you want to be. Sometimes, as I did, you might have to move from side to side to get to your ultimate seat, but each of those moves takes you closer to the front and gives you a fresh outlook. Of course if a space does come up right at the front then its great to leap right for it, cos you never know who is going to get on next and take that seat ahead of you. If you don't leap, even if you're not quite ready to move, then there may not be any seats when you are ready. Don't walk away from any opportunities without considering them. You never know just when they'll come past again. Where is the seat that you ultimately want to travel in? What steps did you take towards it today?

Be spontaneous

It's great to be focused and have a plan to achieve your goals. Having to-do lists and knowing what you have to achieve every day is a great motivator. Knowing where you are going keeps you moving in the right direction. However it's also important to find time for spontaneity. We can start to feel hemmed in and restricted if we stick rigidly to our plans and don't take advantages of opportunities that might come along. Taking the spontaneous path sometimes can leave us refreshed and invigorated. We may gain new momentum and encounter fresh ideas. Whatever else happens we get a beneficial change of environment and do things differently. This weekend is allocated to catching up on admin. I've been really busy over the last few weeks and have had very little time for being organised. Those day-to-day things that need keeping an eye on in the office just don't get done when you are actually out of the office most of the time. So far I've been pretty productive, getting some stuff in the post, dealing with the incoming mail, getting expenses sorted out. Then I decided to have a break and go out. Its brilliantly sunny here and although its cold, I really wanted to be outside. I've spent too many days inside when the weather has been really inviting. So I took my sacks and headed off to the wood to collect fire-lighting sticks. I always keep a stock indoors and they are starting to get low. I was rewarded by the sight of a deeply coloured red squirrel scurrying away up a tree as I passed and several pheasants taking flight at my approach. The floor in the wood is really yielding with fallen leaves until I reached the north facing slopes where the ground was still all frozen. That really brought home to me just how cold it has been. Having got back I am feeling invigorated and ready to grab some lunch and get on with all the things that are still waiting to be done. What have you done spontaneously this week? What can you do today that you weren't planning?

Being superwoman

I was working with some senior women in the Midlands this week. It was the end of our programme and we were taking some feedback. One woman said that she had been a bit anxious about being invited to attend as she knew quite a lot of the names on the list. She thought that they were all superwomen who she may not be able to measure up to. Once she arrived and got to know everyone she realised that they were all normal people. They were good at their jobs and juggling busy lives, just like she was. She felt really relieved but then had a light bulb moment. If she was sitting in the room with all these supposed "superwomen" then maybe she was a superwoman too! She asked some of the other women and they said that they really admired everything that she achieved and the way that she had a great relationship with her staff and actually got huge amounts done. At the end of the day she went home feeling fantastic as she'd become a superwoman simply by being herself and associating with other successful people. Anyone can be a super-person. In fact you may be a superwoman or superman in someone else's eyes, yet not realise it. You won't know until you ask. And if you were a super-person what would you change? Now go and start work on that - you know you have the powers!

What's your attitude?

This week I'm zooming around the country picking up some training for some of the trainers in our network who are unable to deliver this week. I just arrived south of Birmingham tonight at about 8.30pm after a 4 hour drive from Cumbria. The hotel receptionist was sympathetic to my very hectic schedule. I told her about the reasons for my trip and then she said, what, to me, seemed a very odd thing. She said "So you got the short straw then, driving down to deliver the training at really short notice". I was stunned by that, as that attitude had never occurred to me, nothing could be further from my mind. I'm really pleased to be able to help out colleagues who are in a fix. I'm happy to have work as I happen to have the time available. I'm interested to meet some different clients and people from different organisations. I'm putting on hold the things that I would be doing because its more important to keep the programmes going and to help out colleagues who need it. There is not a bone in my body that feels put upon, short changed or unhappy to be driving down to deliver these programmes. As I said it had never occurred to me. So what that said to me was that my attitude was a long way from what other people's might have been in that situation. I had a much more positive attitude to the situation than the receptionist was expecting. Now that was a surprise to me because I sometimes potter around in my own little world without really checking what is going on outside. So when you are suddenly brought up against the world outside yourself it can be a surprise. And you don't actually know about that unless you ask or you get some sort of feedback like that. What's your attitude and how does that compare to what people are expecting of you? What will you do with the feedback that you have?

See the world

Today I saw an article about an 80 year old who is walking around the world.  He says "When you get into retirement don't just sit in the chair, watch TV, drink the beer and eat the sandwiches so that you can't then get out of the chair.  Get out and see the world".  What a fantastic attitude.  He's been walking for 18 years and visited 66 countries.  That certainly put my globe trotting into perspective! And he wants to learn to play tennis before he reaches 100.

This guy is a great inspiration to all of us.  OK maybe walking around the world isn't exactly your thing.  However there is a big world out there and even if you choose not to walk around it there are many things that are out there just waiting to be discovered, many experiences, people to meet, things to do.  And you don't have to go to 66 countries either as a lot of what you might want to do may be just down the road.

Here's a link to the story.

Get out there! What are you waiting for?

Attitude, attitude, attitude

Let me tell you a story.....

Frank is a bright spark. He used to work with the police on fraud cases.  He left.  He's now working through an agency.  Just recently he had a job where he was so good that he'd done all of his allocated work, had tried to get more, was waiting on other people processing stuff, played a computer game whilst waiting, got sacked for it. His manager fought for him as he was so much better than anyone else. No use, he still got sacked.

Then the agency offered him something else in a call centre at £6 per hour.  He thought he'd just go along, after all it was work.  The agency suggested that even though it was a lowly post he should turn up suited and booted.

Interview happened. They are building a new call centre. They want him as a team leader, probably quickly moving into management.

Frank's success is all down to attitude. If we don't give it a go, just find out what its all about, give things a chance, take a risk, take the time to find out then we may never find those opportunities that are all out there waiting for us.  Frank also showed by his attitude that he could do a mangement job, turning up professionally dressed, projecting that professional image.  The attitude of being open to see what's out there will always pay rewards.  Having a positive attitude transmits to those around you.

What will you find out about today?  What will you give a second thought to that you might have dismissed?  How will your attitude help you today?

Grumpy Old Women

On Friday I was reading an interview with Judith Holder, the creator of the TV series Grumpy Old Women.  She lives not so far away and was being interviewed for a local lifestyle mag.

Its great that she said its cool to be grumpy now.  What a great opportunity for all of us over a certain age.  People expect us to be grumpy, to moan that life isn't what it used to be.  Its OK to complain that the buses never run on time and that children are not polite to adults any more.  Its cool to use phrases like "When I was a lass....".  Its expected that you'll be unimpressed by any Christmas and birthday presents and that you'll make comparisons with the price of bread, petrol or beer "in the 60s or 70s".

So go on why not have yourself a grumpy day and get it all off your chest, Because the other thing is that its actually healthy to be grumpy. Much better to talk about what is getting on your nerves than to bottle it all up and have it lead to getting stressed.

So what are you grumping about today?

Listen to me!

"I really can't see the instructions, I must be past it." "With these stiff knees I must be getting old".  How many times have you heard people saying things like this to themselves.  We probably all do it from time to time.  Well I've got news for you - Its time to stop.  And why's that you ask?

Well its because your brain is actually just too logical a tool and basically carries out anything you tell it, its not really very discerning in this area.  So if I keep telling myself that "I must be getting older" then my brain will start to make that happen. It will start to equip me with all the traits that I associate with "Older" people. And because of what I am telling myself I will start to notice those things more and that will just reinforce this negative cycle.

So today my wrist is stiff. I have no idea why, it feels a bit as if I've sprained it, but I certainly haven't done anything like that.  However I am not sitting here blaming being older and arthritis setting in, I'm just telling myself its a temporary thing and will sort itself out by tomorrow

So if I go around and tell myself that age doesn't matter and I can feel as fit and healthy as I want any time then my brain is more likely to keep my body in tip top condition.  So what are you telling yourself today?  What can you tell yourself thats more positive? 

Don't worry, be happy

Worrying is entirely natural and human. We all worry to greater or lesser extent.  I get really fed up when I read all the self help books that tell you just to stop worrying about stuff that you can't affect. I don't think its possible to just turn it off. However I do think that you can mange your worry more positively.

I was chatting with a friend today who is in the middle of a dispute with one of her business customers. Although she is in the right its causing her to worry, which is unlike her, as she is normally very positive.  She's thinking about it last thing at night and first thing in the morning and its becoming quite a problem.

Now since its her business, its impossible to stop her worrying about something that could have financial repercussions. What she needs to work on is other mental tools can she use to gain control. We talked about two things that she can do.

Firstly focus her attention on things going right.  The more you direct your thinking to what can go wrong the more you are likely to do something to make that happen and the worse you will feel (because thoughts, feelings and action/behaviour are all linked).  So the reverse it true.  Visualise everything going right, the client paying up, the product being installed, getting repeat business, will make you feel better and you are more likely to make it happen.

Secondly allow yourself worry time, probably twice a day.  Every time you catch yourself thinking about the issue tell yourself "Not now. I will allow myself to worry about that for half an hour at tea time" or whatever time you decide.  That way you are  not denying that it is worrying, you are just managing the worry so that you can get on with your life.

What are you worrying about today?  How are you managing your worry effectively?  What are the positive benefits from worrying?

Born Happy

Have you got one of those friends who is phased by nothing?  They are happy all the time, have a big circle of friends for whom they are the social hub, they never forget birthdays, visit their granny and always have a positive solution to your problems.  They seem to have sailed through life and never worried about being ugly when they were a teenager or being a bad parent when their kids were small.

Well, it seems from recent research that they may have been born happy.  Yes, apparently happiness is in your genes.  The study looked at people who who tended not to worry and were sociable and conscientious.  they compared sets of identical and non-identical twins.  And they found that there can be a genetic pre-disposition to happiness!

Already I can hear you all blaming your genes for being miserable, depressed, antisocial and so on.  Stop right there.  Just cos its in your genes (or not as in this case) doesn't mean its inevitable.  Even though you may not have the happiness gene, you can train yourself to be happy.  Sign up right here for today's happiness tips.

Two very simple things that you can do are:

1.  Write down your strengths.  What are the things that you are really good at?  You'll recognise them because other people know about them.  They'll ask you about things "because you know about that"  or ask you to do things "because you're good at that". Once you have a list of them simply find ways to use these strengths in new ways every day.  You feel good when you are doing things that you are good at.

2.  Keep a happiness journal.  Get a notebook and every night write down three things that were good about the day.  They could be things that went well that day, or that you are grateful for or that made you smile or feel good.  They may be your successes or achievements from the day.  This way you are training your brain to seek out positive things rather than focusing on the negative.

What are you good at?  How can you do more of that today?  What's going well for you today?

Do something different

All the research evidence tells us that as we get older we need to use our brains more to avoid mental decline.  However there are actually things that we get better at doing with our brains as we get older. One of these is pattern recognition.  We are better able to notice when there is a repeating pattern of behaviour, events, incidents and we also better remember if we have previously encountered conceptual things before such as a story, news article, piece of music or we can quickly associate images with those we have seen before.

So I believe that our brains become more powerful as we get older.  Maybe they are a bit like my computer - its more powerful to me now than when I bought it as it actually has more stuff stored in it.  Your brain does store more stuff every day so its not surprising it can recognise patterns more easily as it has more data to work with. Any time you enc outer a new experience in life you brain tries to classify or categorise it with something that it already recognises.  This is a bit like me asking my computer to find a file containing the word "happiness".  The more data it has to compare with, the more likely it is to make a positive association.

When the brain is doing this work it is laying down new connections and developing new pathways.  This build up your brains ability to do things, giving it greater choices of the pathways it uses.  So its like a road map - if I wanted to go from A to B and only one road existed, with a slow tractor on it which I couldn't overtake I'd take a long time to get there.  If I had a choice of roads I'd be able to make the journey more effectively.

You don't have to do things outrageously differently to make your brain work that little bit harder and make new connections.  You could just take a different route to a familiar place, eat your lunch in a new cafe, go to the cinema instead of the pub.  What are you going to do that's different today?  What else will you do that's different tomorrow?

Going down the tubes

Its so common now to hear people talking about how everything is going down the tubes.  In the past few weeks I've heard that status attributed to television, transport, education, customer service, the quality of beer, the commitment of the bin men, the reputation of Woolies and the selection of shops in the town centre.

If you were to listen to some commentators you'd feel that we have descended to the level of a third world country when we have previously been a successful and vibrant economy.  Of course we will almost always look back through rose tinted glasses, its human nature.

However I must admit to feeling a certain smugness when I hear these sort of things.  So I know that I'm the last generation that got taught English properly so we can all spell and write good grammar.  I can remember when the local shop keepers knew all their customers.  As a barmaid I can remember being able to get a regular customer's drink onto the bar before they reached it as I knew them all well enough to remember their particular tipple.  I used to be entertained by TV.  I can remember the excitement of going out for proper fish and chips.

So whilst bemoaning the passing of all these historical idylls spend some time wallowing in the glorious memory of the good times that you have experienced because you were there.  No matter what your experience you have the knowledge that you've lived through times that are popularly believed to be "good" .

The old way is best?

I've got great gaps in the brickwork in my porch and yesterday finally got aorund to filling them with expanding foam filler.  This only took about 20 minutes and has done a pretty good job too.  However later on I was reflecting that the other alternative would have been to mix up some mortar and repoint the areas in need of it.  That's what should have been done when the porch was built, probably about 40 years ago.  However its much quicker and pretty much as effective to use the foam.

One thing I have noticed about getting older is that I can keep doing things the old way, becasue I know how it works, I'm comfortable with it, when there may be better ways to do things.  So I spent many months thinking about buying mortar (and always rememberig after I'd left the DIY shop).  Then the other day I saw the foam filler cans and just bought them almost without thinking.

So there are times when we should stick to the old ways but we should also recognise that the world is moving on with us and new ways of doing things are appearing every day.  We should always investiagate these as with our life experience we'll be able to judge very quickly if they are better than our exisitng ways.

What new things will you try to day?  What old ways are you going to dump?  What are you going to experiment with?

Talk it up

I've spent the weekend with a friend who has kept telling me that he is an old man.  Admittedly he has arthritic problems with his hips but he is several years younger than me and not so far behind me in fitness.

We know from lots of studies that the brain cannot tell the difference between what we imagine and what is reality.  If we think about a certain type of physical training such as practicing scales on a piano then our brain shows very similar new connections whether we actually do the training or only sit at the piano and visualise it happening.  In this way I have often convinced myself that I have done something that I haven't as I have visualised it so effectively!

So if we spend time telling ourselves that we are fit and healthy then our brains will tend to direct us towards action that leads us to this outcome and for  no apparent reason we will lose the desire to eat chocalate and slob in front of the telly.  Likewise if we tell ourselves negative things then the same will happen. If we tell ourselves that we are old and past it then we will start to act as if this is the case and avoid exercise, give up new experiences and generally allow ourselves to rot.

So I challenge you to tell yourself psoitive things and see how the behaviour and action follows.  Start with "I have all the health and energy that I need at my age to achieve what I want to do today".

Winning prizes

I've won a prize for one of my poems.  This is a surprise to me since it was scribbled in haste on a train one rainy morning in October as I was on my way to the Metro Centre. The poem will be published in a collection that is due out soon.  I also got a lot of laughs with two poems that I wrote at the last minute for the poetry Speakeasy in Carlisle last week.

There are two things to learn from this.  Firstly that we all interpret things in differnt ways.  What I saw in my poem was a hasty observation of something happening on the train.  Was the judges saw was something different that warranted publication.  When writing for the speakeasy the words just came out onto the page and I wasn't really controlling what was happening, other people judged it as funny.

Secondly, its worth remembering that you don't have to polish, polish, polish to get work that is good enough for the job.  I know that many of us agonise over getting things just right, spending many hours producing the "best" piece of work, whether thats a report to the boss, a letter to your Mum or your badminton serve.  Often our first attempt will be good enough and all that polishing is due to a lack of confidence in our abiliites.  If you don't polish so much you'll have time to do even more.

So where in your ife are you writing yourself down because you've decided that what you are producing or doing isn't good enough for "them".  Its time to just go with it as if its not good enough they'll soon let you know!  Here is the prize winning poem for you to mull over.

09:15 Haltwhistle to Newcastle

Father is carrying one heavy case

Pretty little girl has tears on her face

As they step on the train

Her smile entertains

And everyone there wants to be in his place

Mum holds her hand as they run for the plane

She’s hoping its warm and sunny in Spain

As the girl trips and tumbles

The tickets are fumbled

And they know that their rushing has all been in vain

Lady in uniform recognizes their plight

If she acts fast they’ll still catch their flight

She calls up a trolley

They soon find the dolly

And suddenly the future is happy and bright

 

New Year

I've been away skiing over the holiday.  The snow was reasonable so we had some pretty tough skiing and even though I'm reasonably fit I was still quite tired every night  It's not just the skiing but also the whole combination of being out in the fresh air all day, actually not really sitting down at all (except on chair lifts) and everything else that makes up the package.

I don't really know where the time went in the evenings cos by the time we had done our stretches, had a bath and cooked and eaten food it always seemed to be time to go to bed.  I don't know how anyone has the time to go our partying!   Admittedly I was keeping an eye on my emails as well, but that didn't take up a lot of time. 

Then during the day on New Year's Eve my skiing partner Mike said to me "So are we staying up to see the New Year in then?".  "No" I immediately replied, decisively.  "You didn't think about that for very long" he said.

I didn't need to because I know what my priorities are and they are about getting enough rest and making the most of our time in the snow.  We were getting up at 7am every day just to get to the slopes for around 9.30.  I couldn't ski off-piste effectively all day if I found myself only geting 6 or 7 hours sleep.  So knowing my priorities really helped to make the decision.  However a few years ago my priorities may have been different .  As it turned out New Year's day is a great time to ski as most of the world doesn't surface until nearly lunchtime so we had vast expanses of empty slopes at Les Arcs.

It's just another illustration of how our priorities do change as we get older and that just allows us to run our lives for now rather than for what was important to us 10 years ago.  What are your priorities today?

Creating culture

I was reflecting today on Christmas traditions.  As we get older we often take solace from traditions.  They can be the only point  of stability in an ever changing world.  Christmas has very different traditions for different people.  Some people have family traditions that go back years. other have traditions more connected with friends or hobbies.  I knew one person who had a tradition of always playing a round of golf first thing on Xmas eve morning.  I know other people who always do a secret Santa for opening at the family lunch, still others whose traditions are about what games they play or things that they do at certain times on Xmas day.

We like tradition as we are comfortable with it as it is something that we know and understand.  However that doesn't mean that there is no room for new traditions as we get older.  Why can't we have instant traditions?  There is nothing stopping us and as you get older and your family and work situation changes its great to establish new traditions for these times.

What new traditions are you going to establish this Christmas holiday?  Who will you rope in to these to make them fun?  What new traditions are you going to establish at work after the holiday?

Don't put up with it

Somebody said on one of my courses a few weeks ago that as you get older you put up with less.  And I think that she was right.  Whether its because our fuse gets shorter, we know more about what winds us up or just that we know ourselves better it does seem to be the case. I think that's great as I certainly do not want to go on putting up with poor customer service, low quality goods, negativity or sexist comments for the rest of my life.

Poor service is one of my great bugbears but I really know that now and how I feel when I encounter it so its been an education for me. An education to provide feedback and if necessary take my custom elsewhere.  This week I needed a part for my PC and having had a really torrid time when I tried to buy a laptop from Dell 2 years ago I decided that there was no way I was going to ring them in a million years.  I managed to find the part I needed on eBay and it will be with me on Wednesday.

The benefit of not putting up with the poor service is that I didn't even try to contact Dell so avoided all of the stress associated with that.

What are you not putting up with any longer?  What else should you add to that list?

Growing up (finally)

I heard some kids in the supermarket the other day asking their Mum when they would be "grown up so they could eat bad things". I have no idea what the bad things were or what the rest of the conversation was about but it painted a really clear picture of the kids version of what being grown up was.  I'm sure that I had that sort of picture myself once, but now I'm not really sure what being grown up actually is.

I thought that when I bought my house it might happen but no. Maybe when I got my PhD, but no again. In fact every time an event approached where I thought "Oh that's a very grown up thing to do" in fact after the event I didn't feel any more grown up than I did before.

Now you could say that I am the female equivalent of Peter Pan but I am sure I'm not the only one. I read lots of older writers saying that they don't feel grown up and I applaud the idea of not growing up. As we grow older why not be less grown up, have more fun, pick more daisies, have more random thoughts and have lots of Scary Adventures and opportunities for Making A Big Mess. Let's be grown up and NOT serious, grown up and frivolous, grown up and playful.

What are you going to do today that not grown up?  Make the same plan for tomorrow as well!

Alzheimer's Disease

Today I am adding a link on my website to Helena Segets work.  Helena is a former Springboard participant from Newcastle who now has a studio at 36 Lime St.  Helena's recent work has taken the destructive trauma of mental decline in Alzheimer's disease and turned it into a positive experience for her and her customers.  You can see examples of her work on her website.

It is very sad that her mother was so ill and I really applaud the way that she has transformed this episode into a creative stimulus for her work.  We all encounter difficult periods through our lives, whether they are relationship breakups, physical trauma, death or injury of loved ones or any other of the many assaults that can overtake us.  As we get older the sum total of these things will increase and we can become overwhelmed.  However we can all choose how we react to and perceive these things.

We know that when we were younger and our pet dog or cat died, it was extremely difficult for a while but we survived. Life went on and we were better able to cope with the next bad thing that happened.  So instead of wallowing in the bad feelings that these events precipitate choose to use them as a positive influence.  It must have been traumatic for Helena when her mother was ill and she has now used that as a positive influence.  I went through a bad relationship breakup and produced some great poetry as a result.  I had my leg in plaster for 8 weeks and it enabled me to travel first class when I threw myself on the mercy of the railways.  My bags were lost by BA this week but it meant that there was no washing to do when I get home.

As we get older we have a great store of experiences that help us to see things in a positive light.  What are you hung up on at the moment?  How can you perceive it as a positive influence in your life?

Seen it all before

Still sitting at Heathrow delayed by fog, 5 hours after landing from Delhi, when I should have been arriving home about now.  However, the bonus of getting older is that I’ve seen it all before, been delayed before and eventually got home.  That means that whenever I travel I’m prepared.  Its not that I expect the worst to happen, just that my experience shows that if it does, its best to have some small comforts to while away the hours and help keep me occupied and feeling good.

Experience told me that there must be somewhere to have a shower, so I found somewhere.  Experience told me that when there are delays they give out refreshment vouchers so I asked for one (I’ve now had two cos we’ve been here so long).  Experience told me that there are always quiet corners away from the crowds near to power points so I am now sitting on the floor typing upstairs where the air of resentment from delayed passengers isn’t quite so bad.  Experience told me to pack toothpaste, moisturiser and spare underwear, just in case, now I’m very glad I did.

All of this adds up to me being a lot more prepared and comfortable I than might have been if I hadn’t encountered this sort of thing before.  However many of us discount the experience that we have built up over time in our lives, failing to capitalise on it and recognise its worth.  I’ve worked with so many people who have change fatigue, but who don’t recognise that they actually have very good strategies for coping with change.  I’ve encountered people with great skills who don’t recognise how transferable those skills are.

What experience do you have that makes you a saleable item?  What’s your unique selling point – that combination of skills and experience that sets you apart from anyone else?  What valuable experience have you even forgotten you have?  Experience is currency – how are you going to add to your experience bank this week?

Alone in Delhi

Today we flew in to Delhi from Srinagar and this evening I am on my way to Jaipur. I had a few hours in the capital, released from the care of my hosts, who are travelling themselves to Jodhpur. We arranged a taxi for the afternoon and I planned what I wanted to do and then started by going to the internet café to catch up with my email, as I’d had no access to phone or email over the weekend in Kashmir.

As I wandered back a few streets to my taxi I noticed how odd I felt, being out in the city by myself. I hadn’t really noticed, but ever since I arrived here I have been accompanied everywhere, been very well looked after and not really had to make any decisions by myself, except perhaps to choose between veg or non-veg at mealtimes. I suddenly realised how quickly you could lose your self confidence under these conditions. You’d be living in a sort of cocoon, protected from risks and dangers, defiantly but not exposed to opportunities to think for yourself and maybe just see what happens if there is no plan.

This was a great learning experience for me as many of the women that I work with come to programmes with low self esteem and I can now see how one of the contributing factors can be not experiencing life for themselves, doing it through someone else – friends, relatives, partners, children, not being out there and making their own decisions. So where in your life are you a passenger?  Where are you allowing someone else to make your decisions for you?  Are you experiencing aspects of your life through someone else?  Take a positive step and stand up for what you want to do today, get out there and experience life yourself, it's great!

It's not what you wear

I think that boys have it easy.  When you go off to visit new cultures you don't have the constant worries about what is and isn't safe to wear.  Am I allowed to show arms or legs?  Should my head be covered?  I had just such a discussion with myself coming out here to India.  In the end I decided that I should just wear what I always wear, which tends to be comfortable trousers and tops.  That's me and I feel happy dressed that way and it shouldn't offend anyone.

One of the things that I have found really positive about getting older is that I no longer really worry about what other people think about my clothes.  I feel much more comfortable than I used to just being me, without needing to conform to norms (which I never really did - except the student one with the tatty jeans and afghan coat) or dress for someone else.  OK I'll admit that I still do that sometimes but I'm completely aware of what I'm doing (and it usually has the desired effect!).

In fact India is such a melting pot of traditional and modern that it doesn't really matter what you wear.  My host is in Indian dresses and her doctor daughter has just come back form work in jeans.  So being me was the right choice.  Where are you still conforming and not being you?  How much longer are you going to go on doing that?  How much older will you need to be be be before you are comfortable being you?  Why not start being you today - remember Jenny Jones - get out your purple!

Believe in the best outcome

So here I am in Shimla in the Himalayan foothills and damp, rainy Cumbria feels a whole world away.  After arriving at a seething Delhi airport late last night I followed all my host's instructions and engaged a pre-paid taxi.  That is when the trouble began.  My very willing young taxi driver didn't have a clue where the government guest-house was at Mandi House.  This is despite being assured that it was one of the very well known parts of the city.  I actually thought this was very funny.  I made the 6am flight from Newcastle, getting up at 3am after 90 minutes sleep, managed to do a record T1 to T4 transfer at Heathrow for my international flight, we are delayed by an hour but make all that up and I arrive hopefully in this new city, then to be let down by the last link in the chain.

Anyway, I got out my trusty map of Delhi and showed him where it was and where India Gate was, which he knew.  He still looked blank.  After asking some of his taxi colleagues we set off hopefully into the sticky Delhi night.  He was soon on the phone to a friend, then we stopped to ask a policeman, then got some more advice after raising some napping tuc-tuc drivers, checked in again with some early rising workers and then finally stumbled upon my destination as we were turning around to set off in the opposite direction!

Despite all this I was completely comfortable all the time and found it all really amusing.  I just believed that I would arrive safely, if by a rather unorthodox route.  Sometimes you just have to trust to the fates and have confidence in the best outcome happening.  What areas of your life are you imagining the worst?  Why were you surprised when it happened?  Now try imagining some more positive outcomes and see what happens.

The vital role of older people

Today, 1st October, is UN International Day of Older People and there are meetings between older people's organisations and governments across 4 continents as part of the Age Demands Action campaign to demand improvements in ageing policies and practices.

Older people play a vital role in communities the world over. They are often the glue holding families together. They provide emergency child care and family support and also in sometimes step in to bring up their grandchildren if parents suffer untimely death.  They are becoming an increasingly important part of the economic wealth of western nations as our birth rate falls and we all live longer.  Yet their vital role is underestimated to the detriment of us all,  both economically and socially.

You can read about the campaign here at HelpAge International.

What are you going to do to help to highlight these issues? 

Thursday philosophy

A discussion on the radio this morning was talking about Socarates and how his basic premise about how life should be lived was that "Life should be lived flourishingly". I thought that was fabulous. In his time it was connected with virtue and doing the right thing.  But I think that living life flourishingly is a great maxim for today.

My two volume OED has almost 4 column inches on "flourish". To blossom, to thrive, to attain full development, to be prosperous or successful, to be at the height of fame or excellence, to be in one's prime.  What an excellent way to live.

What are you doing today to live life flourishingly?  What questions do you need to ask to maintain your level of excellence?  Who can help you keep that prosperous stretch going?  Where will you bestow your gifts to help others thrive?  How are your decisions supporting you reaching your prime?

Live life to the full, live life flourishingly!

Shout about it

What do you do when something exciting is happening or you have achieved something?  Do you just sit there feeling all smug or do you shout about it?  Well I've got news for you - sharing good news really helps the world go round, it helps keep the people around you positive and also, critically, it helps to keep you positive.  The more you tell people about your exciting event or success the more you are reinforcing those positive pathways that brought you there.  Sharing good news will lift any conversation and energise your communication.

At the beginning of most of my workshops I ask people to report on their recent successes. These need not be great earth shattering events, just minor achievements or nuggets of good news. The more you focus on the positive the more your mind will help you do that.

So I am shouting about my trip to India next week because for me its very exciting. Heading off to Kashmir to deliver two Springboard workshops is exactly the sort of really important work that I want to be doing. You can read all about it in the News and Star (Carlisle's daily paper) and of course I'll be writing here about the trip when ever I can get on the web.

What do you have to shout about today?  What's exciting in your life?  Who are you going to tell about your latest successes?  Write a comment to this posting to share your success with all our readers.

Harness your passion

Today I was listening to a thought for the day on BBC Radio Cumbria where someone's passion has led them to new opportunities.  And I wondered how many of us really allow that passion that we have (whatever it is for) to drive us along. Often we will stifle it because its not appropriate, there isn't time, someone else thinks its silly etc etc

Well if you keep doing that then you will  never get into that state of excitement that sweeps all before it, that state where you believe that nothing could possibly go wrong, that state that allows you to conquer all and achieve anything that you set your mind to.  These things are driven by passion. If you allow your passion to show through then you will not need to motivate yoursef to get up every day, you will find your motivation rises easily from within.  And that positive feeling will transfer to other areas of your life as well, making everything much rosier.

So go on indulge your passion today!

Seabiscuit

Last night, tired and jetlagged, I cut the work and watched a dvd. It was called Seabiscuit - about a famous US racehorse.  Its a fabulous story about achievement and should probably come with a half tissue box warning!  You can read  more about him here http://www.seabiscuitonline.com/index1.htm

One of the great messages of the film was that this little horse just kept winning against the bigger guys cos he just didn't think of himself as small. In reality he was only a small pony and with the right techniques and encouragement he was winning races against much bigger thoroughbreds.

It made me think about how small we all often think we are.  The smallest cog in a great wheel, the lowliest person in your team, the one making the smallest contribution to anything. And if that is the way that we continue to think about ourselves then that is the way that we'll end up. I could think about myself as just a freelance trainer but I know that what I do amounts to much more than that. What I do makes a big difference to people's lives so I am not JUST a trainer.

Maybe you are saying to yourself "But I am ONLY...."  " I am JUST...." Listen to your own language. If you are talking yourself down why would you expect anyone else to give you space on this planet. Its time to stop talking small and start thinking bigger.  About your life, your career, your hopes and aspirations.  You can be like Seabiscuit and take on the big guys and win.

A 13 year old moment

A 13 year old moment

I’ve been watching Sex in the City.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before as I don’t have a TV and rarely watch when I am in away hotels, as I am usually still working in the evenings. However they were talking about being 34, yet having a 13 year old moment and I thought what a fabulous idea that was.

I know that sometimes I really want to step aside from being grown up and have some 13 year old time.  A time when there are no responsibilities, no car to service or rent to pay. Some time when life stretches before me like a blank sheet of paper, waiting to be filled with exciting adventures. Some time when life contains more fun and less worry, more hopes and fewer fears.

And we can all do that. We can all decide to have some time when we are going to act as if we were 13 again and there was so much potential ahead of us. Just think what we could accomplish if we believed that some of our best achievements were yet to come, that we were still at the beginning of an exciting lifetime, that there was still so much more to look forward to.  Try it and see how it feels. 

Or you could ask yourself next time you are wrestling with a problem or issue - How would I react or approach this if I was 13, what decisions would I make, how would I see things differently?

That 13 year old is still there inside all of us, get your 13 year old to help you.

Eat strawberries every day!

I do, well pretty much every day.  Today I had strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, plums, grapes and pear for breakfast.  Its sometimes a bit of a challenge in January but you can usually find strawberries in the shops year round. I do it because I really like them, they are really healthy to eat and I do not believe that this sort of luxury should be kept only for Wimbledon week.  So many times you might find yourself yearning for that little luxury item or activity only to dismiss it as only being for Sundays, not allowed to have it if you haven't been working hard, can't do it today cos the money was allocated to buy toilet roll.

I say stuff all of that. Allow yourself some degree of luxury regularly and you will find yourself feeling great. It will really boost your self esteem. It doesn't matter if its buying expensive soap every now and again, picking the supermarket "finest" label this week instead of the "everyday", swapping your newspaper for a magazine or eating strawberries every day.  It may cost you nothing if your luxury is a walk in the fresh air admiring a view.  Whatever it is give yourself permission to regularly pamper yourself just that little bit and you'll feel fantastic.

After all if your best friend came for breakfast you'd want to give them strawberries, so why treat yourself less well than you do your friends. Make every day special and there is so much more to live for.